recall

And sometimes I wonder who i end like this.
How i turn to be who I am today.
How many mistakes, how many ups and dows. But I love where im standing and if i had to take the same road again well, I will.
I love every single inch of my life and Im so thankfull.
And i can not blame anyone else but my. I take evey step and I belive i took them in the best and right way.
Even tho I break my life in a million little pices, a million times I find the glue to make them fit almost perfectly again.

So i was thinking about that and I was out walking around and I was trying to forget all the shit I've gotten myself into and I laid down in the grass and I felt calm, very calm, and I decided to stay for a while.
It's been a long time since i felt this calm, I can feel the air touching my skin and yeah, playing with the gost that have being hunting me.
Oh but i feel better I am where I am suposed to.

And im done, im done with that crap of belonging.
Belonging is not something I have ever concerned myself with and is not something I give two shits about.

Life, life, life. Im starting to understand you.

End

Give what i fucking want! And give it to me now.
The fresh air is melting my braind and paralizing my whole body.
The thoughts run thru my veins and i can feel them, feel them and it scares me.
And i feel like crying, wondering why? why im feeling this shtoopid way.
So EMOtional, so wrong.
Fuck you, fuck you mind. Stop playing this games with me.
Stop playing with the demonds inside of me, don't bring them back, keep them away.
Take care of me don't keep distroying me.
Please don't take me this higher, don't take me to my hiden place. No more.

I have never used the word fuck so many times.

I guess we all have a limit.
And all this issues are fucking pushing my botons.
Im tired.

How can i be so differente, not in the "im such a cool person way"..
Im mean it, why?
I like school, i like to study, i don't drink or smoke, i like to stay healthy i don't give a damn about my fucking weight. Im trully happy with who i am.
But why do i seem to be so outcast?. I can't pretend and i guess that's making me a lonely person.
Im all alone. No friends (not real friends). And oh i have this amazing abilitty of erase all that people and forget, i can always forget.

I don't belong in this society, this time. It's not my time.

I have some troubles with my self, yeah i know im not ok.
But this is killing me, really.

I can feel all this liquids coming from my stomach directly to my throat burning evey single inch of my digestive system.
Stealing my sleep, taking the peace out of my,, just FUCKING driving me nuts!.
Killing me.. KILLING ME. With every night that passes by my body is dying.

And im so dissapointed.
Of me, of him, of THEY.
Of everything around. JUST TAKE THIS STUPID PAIN AWAY. Just take it.


And i have lost it.. lost that someone who was my support and the little shine.
That friend who always knew what to say. His gone, yeah gone. He might not be dead but for me he is. He is gone and he is not coming back for me.
I mean why will he return anyways, there is nothing i can give.