Oh my God he is such a wonderful boy in such a beautiful way.

I couldn't sleep last night.
It's almost 10:00 am and im awake since yesterday.. my bed was so uncomfortable and the sounds of the night scared me as hell.
So as usual I start thinking and wondering and dreaming.

6:00am I opened the window to see the sunrise and once again get delight by the daylight. I am fulfilled for the very first time in this year.
Not because of what i lost of what i gained.. it's more for who I became.
I have faith by now even tho things are an effin mess. Im not alone this time and im sure im not going to be alone ever again. He is the perfect company.

Next year terrify me, oh just thinking on people reaction and how they are gonna be trying to ruin everything I built and everything I fight for.
But I don't want him to leave me..
I don't want him to realize how hard this is gonaa be. I want him to stay by my side no matter what.

I don't know how this become so strong in such a short time.. I don't care, all I want is him.
I want him to be mine.. MINE. And even tho I sound obssesed and weird, it's what I trully want.
There are no other eyes that make me feel this way.

I woke up this morning because of a stupid phone call.. and i wasn't able to fall asleep again.
For some reason i was feeling anxious and wierd, tho it wasn't a bad kind of feeling.
The truth is that i was waitng HIM to texted me or i don't know i was just simply waiting him to appear.
So, sleeping was not an option i spend 3 or 4 hours thinking about the same over and over again.
And there was no way i could erase that stupid smile of my face.
It's maybe because for the first time, im sure of what i want and how i want it to happen.
Im in love. And im in love with that SMILE God, if there was a way i could explain how i feel about that smile.. and those eyes.. those tender, sweet, and small eyes.

I've never felt it warm before, I mean, my heart. But he has somehow taken a very special place there.

He's now all sense that remains among this insanity (This scares the shit out of me).

I saw light coming through my window, daylight.
It was 9 in the morning and I was staring at my ceiling wondering, thinking.
Thinking about him, thinking it all over and over-thinking it all. Thinking and feeling better…

I can't help the thought that someday thinking this much will kill me.

what an emo

I know you hate me right now, and i now there's no fucking way that you can forgive me for what i did.
You wish for me nothing but death and i now there is in fact a lot i can do.

You are burning my letters, those that i did write from the bottom of my heart.
You were the light upon the darkest nights.
I know you hate me I KNOW YOU FUCKING HATE ME you hate me you hate you hate me you hate me.
And im never going to be happy again NEVER.. and i know that put a big smile on your face.
I honestly have the idea of killing myself and im not afraid of doing it.. that's gonna make everything easier right? sure it is.
I don't want this to sound as a sucide note, and im not sure if it is or not.

Im sorry for letting my heart to fall for someone else, im sorry for not being enough.. and i CAN'T live in what i did to you and all the hell i put you truh.
Im sorry if i say NOTHING when you call me but i can't, there is nothing left to say. I neve wish things to end up this way and i never tought about hurting you the way i did.. and i regret that fucking minute and im always going to hate this day and im never going to be able to stand up and walk couse for now and on im dead.
Im the worst shit in this shitty world im the worst whore in the entire world. im nothing nothing nothing.
Im the bitchest bitch and i deserve pain and suffering and all the damn bad things.

Hell is waiting for me and im ready to burn, burn as my letters. Im standing in front of all the bad things i have done in my life and i can say this was the worst.. not for me being sad, just for you being mad and depressed and angry and stuff.
I can understand the whole world hating me, i can understand you wishing me the worst..


It's not his fault, don't blame him.. he just gave what i was needing in that time.
It's my fault for not being strong and for letting myself go.

I HATE MY SELF I FUCKING HATE ME! im the worst human alive!, i hate god for making me born i hate him for letting me exist. And i hate you for being such an amazing person in my life and i hate this tears that i can't drop and i hate the words that i can tell and i hate i hate i hate.

If i could make time just go back!,.. if i could only make you smile.. But for so long i couldn't feel you where always so far away.
I now you hit me and i now you hurt me as well and you totally stoled my heart and it's still with you i guess that's why i can't feel it beating.
I wanna love you the way i did i want you to love me the way you did i want us to be happy and dance in the roof.
I want your eyes to look at me the same again, I want my eyes to shine for you again.
I want your self to be the same.
I want to wake up everysingle moment waiting to see you and hug you and be happy. But we lost that so long ago.


I honestly want you to kill me with your own hands.. I have never felt this way before.

but i wanna thank you.. for everything. For chanching me and for make me the happiest girl alive in 2 years. For being by my side all this time.. thank you for trying and thank you for your existance. Thanks for catch me everytime i fall thanks for letting me know waht love is at the end.
Thanks for share all your troubles with me and sorry for not fix them.
Thanks for your smile and sorry for your tears
Thanks for being you.

As usual, it didnt take me a lot of time to fucked everything.
I hurt them and i feel empty as hell.
Im not strong enough to go on i just wanna let myself dye. I dont deserve been here. Im the worst thing alive.
I lost the only thing that matters in my life. And i know i jus have to wait until gets in it place.
But im not pleaced with the way destiny works sometimes. Im not pacient at all.
I can not lie to myself. Im falling for him.. and i dont regret that.

Im terrible at speaking and i cant tell him how much i trully love him and how sorry i am. He stoled my heart so effin fast its unbeliveable. I can feel inside my veins I LOVE HIM.
I can see myself dying because of this love.
I know we can not be together and thats killing m, he gave me the most amazing day in my life.
I felt (and im still feeling) those annoying butterflies in my stomach.
He colored my life and treated my like a princess he was beyond a prince charming.
Im falling in love and im scared.

I want, need,wish you to move on.
I hope there was a way i could take you out of this pain.. and i now how to but it's not what i have to do.
You have to stand up by yourself this time, I got to go my own way.
It's hard and it hurts but there's nothing we can do.
I know you ask your self how the heal did i forgot everything so fast but the truth is that i have being feeling this way since a long time ago.. and you should know why. All the problems that sourround us for that time are finally taking advantage of me.

But I can't spend my life trying to make this work, if I have already lost the faith on us. Ican not live with you behind me like a ghost.. cuase you always liked to chased all the ghosts that hunted me.
And i know you rahter be sad than hating me but i will liked you better to hate me instead of being so depressed.
You came up with the idea of give each other another try, but it seems to late for say ONCE again. There is no more heart to be broken and there is no more field for another war.

I feel like im growing up so fast and you are still standing up waiting for something to wake you up.. im chanching and my priorites have change. I need you to understand that.
I can't wait for you again i have to walk fast and determined, and im not sure about you walking by my side. And i hate that idea.


You most let go, you most let ME go if you want me to be happy. Because im going to let you go.. like that red ballon we saw once and you should do the same so maybe someday in another time we will get together as two ballons holding each other in order to not LET GO.

Im sorry for being in totally differente page and im sorry for not being enough. Im sorry for not let my heart beat at the same rythim as yours. IM SORRY and i always be.

We were so closed once, we could even touch perfection but we let it scape and we did nothing to make it come back.
We gave each other so many oportunities but none of them worked out.
We did try, oh sure we did. But one of us did MORE and you know who.

Please!, try to recovered your self please give your self an oportunity of being happy.
And even tho someday (and i hope it come soon) you will realize how amazing you are and how im nothing compared to you. Then you will be happy for letting me go..
And you will find some one who can complemente your colors in the way i never could.
Someone who can change your bad atittudes and someone who can be what you need.

You have to forget about me.. "you can't miss what you forget". I now you can, there's nothing you can't do.

And of course i will always remember you as my FIRST LOVE.. you gave me the most amaizng 2 years of this 17, you change my way and i thank that. You return the inocense to me.
Im never going to forget the way you make me feel, the way you make me tremble.
Your green eyes, your pail white skin, your secret smile (the one you only shared with me), EVERYTHING about you boy!, everything used to make so DAMN HAPPY!

I wish you good luck and happiness in all the things you’ll do. And I wish for you to have the best things on Earth, because you deserve it. I cannot blame you. I can’t hate you, because I love you.You left a mark in my heart dear and it’ll be forever there reminding me of you.

I thank you for being sweet and tender and mine…
I know I meant all of those things for you too, once.So I don’t regret a single day we shared. I don’t regret a minute, not a second… I don’t regret I met you at all.

I never wished for things to end up this way. I hate the idea of becoming only one more name on your list of failed loves and broken hearts. I like to think that you’ll remember me as something else… Maybe in your dreams you’ll find me someday and you’ll remember how close we once were to perfection.

I guess now you’ll move on with your life, find a new girl to keep your heart from breaking. I wish I could have been that girl...