this year wasnt bad at all (:
it was actually one of the best years in my life.
i know i lost so many friends but thank god i find others.. im not trying to say i replaced my
old friends, cause being with out them still hurts.
in the other hand this year i found someone who complements my happiness, my first best
friend :D he is awesome and i DON'T want to ever lose him.
i also found a true "female" friend who i cant call my best friend cuz i know she is not.
but i really love her and she brings a little warm in my life.
i also meat new girls so i can say i have friends "female" friends.
and i cant forget one of the most important things (: and it's called MIKE the love of my life.
the one who is my reason for smile, he is always there. forever.
me and my classmates became so close it was amazing we were all friends. and we will always
be.
my school year was pretty good.
all the issues and problems with the teachers ended! and things couldn't get better.
finally the true ME came back.
as a matter a fact my behavior start to change in order to be the real me, the one who most
ppl loved.
my grades where awesome and i was being a geek again ;)
my family.. well things CAN be better but, i guess i have what i need and i love what i have.
so at the end of this year i can be proud of my self and who i become.
now its up to me, to make this 2009 work and make it my own. be me and love ME.
i have my face looking up in to the sky waiting the sun to shine. im not going to look back
or look down cuz there's nothing there for me (: .
martes, 30 de diciembre de 2008
domingo, 28 de diciembre de 2008
what happend when you find it!?
lately i have being thinking..
and i figure out we (as humans) spend our lifes serching for LOVE, true love.
i mean the person who you are going to spend yer life with, have kids and all that stuff.
but what happend when you find him/she, before you were suposed to.
im writting this because i think i already find him, and that makes me happy, but now i have
what i was "suposed" to find years later.
i can say HE is the one and that scares me to death..
im happy when he is around and i want to spedn my whole LIFE with him.. but im 16 years old
and im sure is not going to happend :(
now that i found him, what im going to do!.
maybe i'll find someone but is not going to be the ONE.
love and life are so effin related. yeah.
i guess i just have to let the time flow and HOPE that our love doesnt die yet.. and never
so we can stay together forever..
and i figure out we (as humans) spend our lifes serching for LOVE, true love.
i mean the person who you are going to spend yer life with, have kids and all that stuff.
but what happend when you find him/she, before you were suposed to.
im writting this because i think i already find him, and that makes me happy, but now i have
what i was "suposed" to find years later.
i can say HE is the one and that scares me to death..
im happy when he is around and i want to spedn my whole LIFE with him.. but im 16 years old
and im sure is not going to happend :(
now that i found him, what im going to do!.
maybe i'll find someone but is not going to be the ONE.
love and life are so effin related. yeah.
i guess i just have to let the time flow and HOPE that our love doesnt die yet.. and never
so we can stay together forever..
lunes, 15 de diciembre de 2008
falling again.. <3
after a big confution thing get clearly, i tought this was going to be so hard..
but at the end it just make me realize how much i love him and how much i care about him!
chisuss! cause im in love and nothing else matters! (:
I'm happy when he's around. I had felt upset and acted hostile against him as he had been playing that one living thing that wakes the demons inside of me. But seeing the dawn made me think about the little warm he brings to my life.
Ignoring the fact that we had a little fight a few hours before I just realized how good he's to me.
I'm not sure of how long it will take for him to notice that I'm not the best of a company but I hope that moment won't come any soon.
and after the whole time i spend doing fucked things and being such a stupid.. i can proudly
say now IM FALLING AGAIN FOR YOU.
but at the end it just make me realize how much i love him and how much i care about him!
chisuss! cause im in love and nothing else matters! (:
I'm happy when he's around. I had felt upset and acted hostile against him as he had been playing that one living thing that wakes the demons inside of me. But seeing the dawn made me think about the little warm he brings to my life.
Ignoring the fact that we had a little fight a few hours before I just realized how good he's to me.
I'm not sure of how long it will take for him to notice that I'm not the best of a company but I hope that moment won't come any soon.
and after the whole time i spend doing fucked things and being such a stupid.. i can proudly
say now IM FALLING AGAIN FOR YOU.
merry christmas world! ...
today is december 15th .. so christmas is comingo soon.
since im 14 years old i dont like this date (christmas) because it reminds me of how
life use to be 2 or 3 years ago.
is not that im not happy with my life and what is on it, but there are few things that use to
be better.
society has teach us that christmas is a warm and happy date, wich we spend with the family
and celebrate the day jesus was born
.. blah blah.
3 yeas ago christmas was so important for me! not only because gifts and great food. it was
because my whole family get togheter.. all of them, and we have lots of fun and a wonderful time.
but in those next 3 years things in my family start to change or maybe i just grow up.
i found out my family wasnt as happy as i thought (im not talking of the main family mom, dad and brother. im talking about the rest of them. aunt, uncle, cousins etc).
first of all my favorite uncle wasnt in guatemala anymore, so i start wondering why.. as a curious
girl i start asking questions and put things togheter.. finding out he was gay.
then my other uncle enden his relationship with my aunt.. because some trust "isues" and
cheting stuff.. so my aunt didnt spend christmas or any other hollyday with us, as a matter of
fact either my cousins.
the other fact wich is a litter bit longer and way harder to explain.
because of the problem below, my only guatemalan and female cousin never came to my
grandmas house, again.
so being the only girl was very hard, not only for all the masculine games i had to play and all the
confuisons in my own sex.
but what make it harder is the way my family start to act with my.
*i have to explain this cuz is very complicated, my family has this way of think, wich is that..
women has to serve the man and be kind of the maid*.
so they make me do the dishes and cooked for my brother and cousins.
at the begining that doesnt boder me at all.. but then things start to get worst and i was
needing some family love.
so when christmas is near i cant hide the anger. and i become so bitter and i hate it.
but this time i will try to ignore all this "things" and move on and try to have a merry christmas..
since im 14 years old i dont like this date (christmas) because it reminds me of how
life use to be 2 or 3 years ago.
is not that im not happy with my life and what is on it, but there are few things that use to
be better.
society has teach us that christmas is a warm and happy date, wich we spend with the family
and celebrate the day jesus was born
.. blah blah.
3 yeas ago christmas was so important for me! not only because gifts and great food. it was
because my whole family get togheter.. all of them, and we have lots of fun and a wonderful time.
but in those next 3 years things in my family start to change or maybe i just grow up.
i found out my family wasnt as happy as i thought (im not talking of the main family mom, dad and brother. im talking about the rest of them. aunt, uncle, cousins etc).
first of all my favorite uncle wasnt in guatemala anymore, so i start wondering why.. as a curious
girl i start asking questions and put things togheter.. finding out he was gay.
then my other uncle enden his relationship with my aunt.. because some trust "isues" and
cheting stuff.. so my aunt didnt spend christmas or any other hollyday with us, as a matter of
fact either my cousins.
the other fact wich is a litter bit longer and way harder to explain.
because of the problem below, my only guatemalan and female cousin never came to my
grandmas house, again.
so being the only girl was very hard, not only for all the masculine games i had to play and all the
confuisons in my own sex.
but what make it harder is the way my family start to act with my.
*i have to explain this cuz is very complicated, my family has this way of think, wich is that..
women has to serve the man and be kind of the maid*.
so they make me do the dishes and cooked for my brother and cousins.
at the begining that doesnt boder me at all.. but then things start to get worst and i was
needing some family love.
so when christmas is near i cant hide the anger. and i become so bitter and i hate it.
but this time i will try to ignore all this "things" and move on and try to have a merry christmas..
seguir.
Emoticón actual: 
Categoría: Life
es tavez xq toda la vida le he tenido miedo a los cambios, especialmente ahorita, xq es hora de dejar lo conocido i empezar las cosas desde cero.
nuevas personas, nuevas experencias nuevo todo.
talvez mi temor sea por mi falta de madurez o porque simplemente no kiero dejar lo q ia tngo.
se que estos cambios traeran cosas buenas i malas, pero espero sean mas buenas.
me aterra perder en especial a una persona, esa persona a la cual ia me acostumbre, saber q hai posibilidades de que se aleje o se de cuenta q no soi lo mejor para el..
mi vida a dado giros inesperados,complicados.
de alguna manera deseo salir de ese ambiente en el que he vivido los ultimos anios, dejar atras toda la falsedad que me a rodeado.
pero siendo una persona como soi se que sera mui dificil adaptarme i que las personas se adapten a mi.
tngo la esperanza de que este cambio traiga a mi lo que llevo anios buscando..
pero a la vez se que me traera cosas con las q nunk quise toparme.
solo deseo q todo salga biien..
i q esos temores se vaian junto cn la mala suerte cn la que me a tocado vivir..
lunes, 24 de noviembre de 2008
nameless
y alli estaba yo.. parada sin mas que decir.
el frio helaba mi cuerpo, me sacudia y no me dejaba hablar.
fue entonces cuando tomaste mi mano, estoy segura que tu estabas mas frio!
quizas por lo que acababa de pasar o talvez xq ese es tu estado natural.
vi entoneces reflejado mi rostro en tus ojos, tus lagrimas no me dejaban ver mucho..mas que
una sonrisa rota.
...
siempre estubiste cuando te necesitaba, pero en ese momento podia verte pero aun asi sentir
tu ausencia.
...
minutos despues ya estabamos ahi, lejos.
busque en mis recuerdos un silencio que hablara, pero no encontre mas que el silencio de tus
sentimientos.
tocamos el cielo, sin embargo nos fuimos sin contemplarlo..
te pedi que regresaramos.. la realidad nos esperaba.
...
el frio estaba aumentando y mi cuerpo seguia temblando, solte tu mano y pedi perdon.
camine hacia la memoria y me sente a convensar con el enganio.
regrese y me pare justo a la par tuya te vi una vez mas a los ojos.. esta vez no puede aguantarlo.
...
regrese yo sola y me vi tan lejos, decidi contemplar el cielo sin tocarlo antes de volver.. estaba segura que seria un largo viaje. tome aire fresco y diferente mientras bajaba UNA VEZ MAS a la realidad.
...
te encontre charlando con la verdad, mientras esta me miraba fijamente..
fue entonces cuando me acerque a ti mientras la verdad se enredaba en mi garganta.
lo saque todo de un golpe como dirian, sin anestecia.
ahora no podia verte la verguenza me abrazaba demasiado fuerte y no podia soltarme.
vi entonces como algo en ti se quebraba, trate de evitarlo pero mi encuentro cn la soledad fue
demasiado cercano.
no podria describir de ninguna manera lo que sentimos despues, tampoco quiero hacerlo.
fue entonces cuando el odio toco tu puerta pero la conciencia y la culpa toco tu alma.
me diste un abrazo
...
y ahi estabamos otra vez contemplando nuestro cielo, juntos, lejos.
...
salimos de mi habitacion y caminamos buscando ese cielo, cerrando la ventana de la memoria, y empezando nuestra relacion desde cero.
el frio helaba mi cuerpo, me sacudia y no me dejaba hablar.
fue entonces cuando tomaste mi mano, estoy segura que tu estabas mas frio!
quizas por lo que acababa de pasar o talvez xq ese es tu estado natural.
vi entoneces reflejado mi rostro en tus ojos, tus lagrimas no me dejaban ver mucho..mas que
una sonrisa rota.
...
siempre estubiste cuando te necesitaba, pero en ese momento podia verte pero aun asi sentir
tu ausencia.
...
minutos despues ya estabamos ahi, lejos.
busque en mis recuerdos un silencio que hablara, pero no encontre mas que el silencio de tus
sentimientos.
tocamos el cielo, sin embargo nos fuimos sin contemplarlo..
te pedi que regresaramos.. la realidad nos esperaba.
...
el frio estaba aumentando y mi cuerpo seguia temblando, solte tu mano y pedi perdon.
camine hacia la memoria y me sente a convensar con el enganio.
regrese y me pare justo a la par tuya te vi una vez mas a los ojos.. esta vez no puede aguantarlo.
...
regrese yo sola y me vi tan lejos, decidi contemplar el cielo sin tocarlo antes de volver.. estaba segura que seria un largo viaje. tome aire fresco y diferente mientras bajaba UNA VEZ MAS a la realidad.
...
te encontre charlando con la verdad, mientras esta me miraba fijamente..
fue entonces cuando me acerque a ti mientras la verdad se enredaba en mi garganta.
lo saque todo de un golpe como dirian, sin anestecia.
ahora no podia verte la verguenza me abrazaba demasiado fuerte y no podia soltarme.
vi entonces como algo en ti se quebraba, trate de evitarlo pero mi encuentro cn la soledad fue
demasiado cercano.
no podria describir de ninguna manera lo que sentimos despues, tampoco quiero hacerlo.
fue entonces cuando el odio toco tu puerta pero la conciencia y la culpa toco tu alma.
me diste un abrazo
...
y ahi estabamos otra vez contemplando nuestro cielo, juntos, lejos.
...
salimos de mi habitacion y caminamos buscando ese cielo, cerrando la ventana de la memoria, y empezando nuestra relacion desde cero.
sábado, 15 de noviembre de 2008
This content is currently unavailable! :) [chienne laide]
so! (6) hahah lets talk shit about this girl! that's what she wants you know.
cuz she is always telling me "why are you talking about me why are you so mean"
ok bitch you want me to really be mean here i go >:D
first of all you are UGLY as hell haha and yes i hate you, but no i dont say that to everybody.
oh! we cant forget! you think life is the MEAN GIRLS movie wtf you are so effin wrong.
you are always laying haha and pretending give me a break! bahaha you are NOT paris hilton
ok!?.
and guess whats going to be your new nick grand nez ! :) yey!
argh hope you are not reading this :S NO ACTUALLY i will love it! (6)
bah im sick of this haha but i was needing to take all the crap out of me!
cuz she is always telling me "why are you talking about me why are you so mean"
ok bitch you want me to really be mean here i go >:D
first of all you are UGLY as hell haha and yes i hate you, but no i dont say that to everybody.
oh! we cant forget! you think life is the MEAN GIRLS movie wtf you are so effin wrong.
you are always laying haha and pretending give me a break! bahaha you are NOT paris hilton
ok!?.
and guess whats going to be your new nick grand nez ! :) yey!
argh hope you are not reading this :S NO ACTUALLY i will love it! (6)
bah im sick of this haha but i was needing to take all the crap out of me!
- peace whore! i love ya ;)
sábado, 25 de octubre de 2008
blah!
dios esta vez escribiré en español, tengo tantas cosas atoradas en la garganta que si no las saco explotare.
cuando tenemos un problema en el que no vemos salida, siempre existe una alguien o algo que nos ayuda y motiva a salir, nos brinda su ayuda y apoyo incondicional.
cuando ese apoyo resulta ser nada mas que una hipocresia el corazon no lo resiste, talvez porque el simple hecho de que sea una hipocresia duele, o talvez porque al final le tomaste tanto carinio a esa persona.
y otra vez el sentimiento de soledad, el sentimiento de ver la unica salida tapada.. totalmente cerrada.
jamas podre ver a esta persona de la misma manera.
puedo decir que ayer en la noche mis sentimientos toparon un limite, fue como una pequenia explosion.. donde todo acabo.
el dia que logre salir de este oyo negro (porque se que podre salir) lograre ver la vida de una manera distinta, asi como me percatare de las personas que me rodean.. dando me cuenta asi de que su amor y amistad es sincero.
ante un mundo de hipocresia, traicion y mentira es dificil ver el lado positivo. aunque sea esto lo, unico que nos puede salvar.
pero aqui estamos, y tenemos que resistir, ponerle bandera blanca al corazon.
darnos alas y caminar en busca del sol.
pero las caidas son parte de la vida, y siendo una adolecente duelen mas, pero son estas las que nos ensenian a querer, respetar, sentir y pensar...
dios esta vez escribiré en español, tengo tantas cosas atoradas en la garganta que si no las saco explotare.
cuando tenemos un problema en el que no vemos salida, siempre existe una alguien o algo que nos ayuda y motiva a salir, nos brinda su ayuda y apoyo incondicional.
cuando ese apoyo resulta ser nada mas que una hipocresia el corazon no lo resiste, talvez porque el simple hecho de que sea una hipocresia duele, o talvez porque al final le tomaste tanto carinio a esa persona.
y otra vez el sentimiento de soledad, el sentimiento de ver la unica salida tapada.. totalmente cerrada.
jamas podre ver a esta persona de la misma manera.
puedo decir que ayer en la noche mis sentimientos toparon un limite, fue como una pequenia explosion.. donde todo acabo.
el dia que logre salir de este oyo negro (porque se que podre salir) lograre ver la vida de una manera distinta, asi como me percatare de las personas que me rodean.. dando me cuenta asi de que su amor y amistad es sincero.
ante un mundo de hipocresia, traicion y mentira es dificil ver el lado positivo. aunque sea esto lo, unico que nos puede salvar.
pero aqui estamos, y tenemos que resistir, ponerle bandera blanca al corazon.
darnos alas y caminar en busca del sol.
pero las caidas son parte de la vida, y siendo una adolecente duelen mas, pero son estas las que nos ensenian a querer, respetar, sentir y pensar...
viernes, 24 de octubre de 2008
about yesterday, well i reather write about what i feel to day! :)
ow what a feeling and its called love.
i have been with HIM 1 year and 10 months and i have always being in love, but yesterday in the middle of my own storm i figure out how important HE is for me, and how much thinking about HIM can help me. once i hear on a movie a quote that say.. a happy memory can save your life. and its completely true.
i have to thank HIM for being a suport in my life (:
i spend all night thinking about HIM, waiting for the right time to call.
and when i hear HIS voice everything starts to feel better and sooner my life get all colored again.
i beet HE has no idea right now, but he basically save my life and what is better he complement my world.
my entire life i have say.. im not going to need anyone never, cuz i have always be scared of loose what i have (specially if we are talking about love).
but now i can proudly say i need you hun.
and again thank you miguel angel!
ow what a feeling and its called love.
i have been with HIM 1 year and 10 months and i have always being in love, but yesterday in the middle of my own storm i figure out how important HE is for me, and how much thinking about HIM can help me. once i hear on a movie a quote that say.. a happy memory can save your life. and its completely true.
i have to thank HIM for being a suport in my life (:
i spend all night thinking about HIM, waiting for the right time to call.
and when i hear HIS voice everything starts to feel better and sooner my life get all colored again.
i beet HE has no idea right now, but he basically save my life and what is better he complement my world.
my entire life i have say.. im not going to need anyone never, cuz i have always be scared of loose what i have (specially if we are talking about love).
but now i can proudly say i need you hun.
and again thank you miguel angel!
another emo blog -_-'
like i say once it doesnt take that much to get the demons out of me..
but it take one word of his mouth to make me collapse.
i was keeping the feelings it was like walking and walking until i get to
edge and then he push me, just like if he doenst care and i fall.. one of the hardest falls in a couple of months.
is even worst when you are falling, and you are sure that no one is waiting for you.. no one is going to catch you.
my body starts to shake on the flour and i trying to make it stop..that just make it harder. then the light and the memories (i hate this part) all i can remeber is when i stand up and everything looks weird.
gosh but the i turn around and im in the flour again (cuz actually i never stand up) .
im in the flour, dizzy and all sweat hoping this shit to end.
i pick up the phone.. his voice.
it doesnt calm me., it makes it worst.
the words again i couldnt take so hang up i just wanna rest.
the feeling of losing everything you have takes you to a higher depression, it doesnt matter how hard the punch heats you, it push you down as hell.
to find out that your life is not as happy as you us to think want you to forget them, forget them all, and fly away for ever and NEVER come back... but never is an awfully long time.
im kinda scared because of what i been thinking lately..
i have been thinking of how my dead will be like, and when im imaging it, i dont feel scared at all acuatally i feel exited cuz deaying will be an amazing adventure. (oh man i hate those thoughts)
im living in the shadows right now holding my self on a tinny rope called first love, if it wasnt for that thin rope i will fall.
nothing make sence.. NOTHING.
i have this big shit going to my mind by now. and its consuming my energy ans happyness.
family huh FUCK family cuz all i got is a brother. then all is missing.
domingo, 28 de septiembre de 2008
to move on..
i havent cry in years as i cry last night, is the hardest way of cry, full of sorrow and a miserable way of look at the problem.
so i cant said it was easy to end as we did.
somehow i feel empty, just how i felt before i meat him. lonely.
if i could just make time go back!.. but i guess we cant do this because of a stronger fotce that doesnt
want us to change the future in order to things stay as "is suposed to be".
well imnot sure if this is the yas i want it to be..
i know this i not the best desition but i want to feel good such as i know he deserves to be happy, as well.
to break that something you are used to.., that something i used to called love. but what is love anyway?
i believe is that aweful feeling that keep you atached to the pass and what things used to be like.
i have to say, i was sure the end was closed. if im honest our relationship was at the edge of happyness making it a never endless pain.
to move on after a break up is as hard as wake up for school.. yeah .HARD.
im not sure of how many days, weeks or years im going to take to cross over (sure, i know im talking as i was dead) .
so whats next? i can barely remember how does it feel to be alone.
is that strange way of look at life,.. just empty .___.
recognize the ache of a broken heart is a decrease of love. that word again LOVE it will be easier if taht word could just be gone.
if i could forget! every single moment i felt like i was understanding that misarable thing LOVE.
it doesnt matter where i look at, those memories are always there..
hounting me!
so i cant said it was easy to end as we did.
somehow i feel empty, just how i felt before i meat him. lonely.
if i could just make time go back!.. but i guess we cant do this because of a stronger fotce that doesnt
want us to change the future in order to things stay as "is suposed to be".
well imnot sure if this is the yas i want it to be..
i know this i not the best desition but i want to feel good such as i know he deserves to be happy, as well.
to break that something you are used to.., that something i used to called love. but what is love anyway?
i believe is that aweful feeling that keep you atached to the pass and what things used to be like.
i have to say, i was sure the end was closed. if im honest our relationship was at the edge of happyness making it a never endless pain.
to move on after a break up is as hard as wake up for school.. yeah .HARD.
im not sure of how many days, weeks or years im going to take to cross over (sure, i know im talking as i was dead) .
so whats next? i can barely remember how does it feel to be alone.
is that strange way of look at life,.. just empty .___.
recognize the ache of a broken heart is a decrease of love. that word again LOVE it will be easier if taht word could just be gone.
if i could forget! every single moment i felt like i was understanding that misarable thing LOVE.
it doesnt matter where i look at, those memories are always there..
hounting me!
lunes, 15 de septiembre de 2008
a wish on a star..
regresaba de una salida con mis papas cuando me pare a ver el cielo (algo que tenia meses de no hacer).
me di cuenta que la estrella que mas brillaba era la misma que solia ver desde mi ventana antes de dormir cuando tenia talvez unos 10 anios (6 anios desde entonces).
me detube a verla, mas que a verla a ponerle atencion..
estube ahi unos 5 min hasta que me pidieron que entrara.. subi a mi cuarto a contemplarla desde ahi, como en los viejos tiempos.
senti la misma sensacion asi que decidi pedir un deseo usando la frase que siempre utilize:
estrella brillante, estrella luminosa, estrella hermosa que en este cielo reposa te kiero pedir un deseo.. el deseo que deseo es el siguiente deseo:
solo kiero (me kede pensando una media hora) me di cuenta que son ciertas cosas que deseo cambiar, por no decir bastantes..
heche un vistaso a mi pasado y descubri la cantidad de errores y problemas en mi vida..
me di cuenta que he lastimado a varias personas pero al final yo sufro a un mas..
pero ser capaz de ver el pasado y reconozer ciertos errores es un gran paso hacia un alma mejor..
tambien me situe en el presente viendo las 2 decisiones que debo tomar, realmente importantes.
cada una puede terminar o empezar algo.
de repente siento que stoi llorando, damn como odio llorar!
me empiezo a sentir confundida y fatigada, es obvio, demasiados pensamientos negativos cruzaban mi mente.
trate de controlar lo que con mike soliamos llamar casquito.ANSIEDAD.
i sin darme cuenta no paraba de llorar, talvez xq estaba reprimiendo estos sentimientos desde hace mucho, o simplemente soy una persona muy debil. (probablemente una mezcla de los dos)
vi que habia cerca un vaso de agua, el que no tome ayer :).
eso me calmo un poco, pero no pude evitar seguir pensado.
tome todos mis sentimientos y los puse un una frase..
.solo te pido estrella que me pongas en lugar y con la persona que debo estar. asi de sencillo.
al decir estas palabras tambien quise agradecer (probablente a dios)
por las cosas buenas que me dio este anio, AMIGOS pero esos reales que estan ahi no matter what!
mi estado de animo cambio otra vez y senti una alegria (al menos eso parecio ser) y de nuevo las lagrimas. damn!
me di cuenta que la mayoria de estos amigos se iran! si tomo la decision (esta es una de las 2 razones importantes).
y como sera de dificil kitarlos de mi corazon cuando tomaron este lugar tan importante!
pase lo que pase se que los reales seguiran ahi..
desps de tan drasticos cambios de emociones decidi solo dormir xq ya no podia mas. dormi tanto probablemente unas 13 horas :S
considerando que me dormi a las dos de la maniana i desperte a las 3 de la tarde para ir al aeropuerto.
al levantarme llegue a la conclusion de que..
to end with this big deal i just wish to actually see the changes, the ones i need to make my decition a little bit easier. its all about DESTINY and a wish on a star.
me di cuenta que la estrella que mas brillaba era la misma que solia ver desde mi ventana antes de dormir cuando tenia talvez unos 10 anios (6 anios desde entonces).
me detube a verla, mas que a verla a ponerle atencion..
estube ahi unos 5 min hasta que me pidieron que entrara.. subi a mi cuarto a contemplarla desde ahi, como en los viejos tiempos.
senti la misma sensacion asi que decidi pedir un deseo usando la frase que siempre utilize:
estrella brillante, estrella luminosa, estrella hermosa que en este cielo reposa te kiero pedir un deseo.. el deseo que deseo es el siguiente deseo:
solo kiero (me kede pensando una media hora) me di cuenta que son ciertas cosas que deseo cambiar, por no decir bastantes..
heche un vistaso a mi pasado y descubri la cantidad de errores y problemas en mi vida..
me di cuenta que he lastimado a varias personas pero al final yo sufro a un mas..
pero ser capaz de ver el pasado y reconozer ciertos errores es un gran paso hacia un alma mejor..
tambien me situe en el presente viendo las 2 decisiones que debo tomar, realmente importantes.
cada una puede terminar o empezar algo.
de repente siento que stoi llorando, damn como odio llorar!
me empiezo a sentir confundida y fatigada, es obvio, demasiados pensamientos negativos cruzaban mi mente.
trate de controlar lo que con mike soliamos llamar casquito.ANSIEDAD.
i sin darme cuenta no paraba de llorar, talvez xq estaba reprimiendo estos sentimientos desde hace mucho, o simplemente soy una persona muy debil. (probablemente una mezcla de los dos)
vi que habia cerca un vaso de agua, el que no tome ayer :).
eso me calmo un poco, pero no pude evitar seguir pensado.
tome todos mis sentimientos y los puse un una frase..
.solo te pido estrella que me pongas en lugar y con la persona que debo estar. asi de sencillo.
al decir estas palabras tambien quise agradecer (probablente a dios)
por las cosas buenas que me dio este anio, AMIGOS pero esos reales que estan ahi no matter what!
mi estado de animo cambio otra vez y senti una alegria (al menos eso parecio ser) y de nuevo las lagrimas. damn!
me di cuenta que la mayoria de estos amigos se iran! si tomo la decision (esta es una de las 2 razones importantes).
y como sera de dificil kitarlos de mi corazon cuando tomaron este lugar tan importante!
pase lo que pase se que los reales seguiran ahi..
desps de tan drasticos cambios de emociones decidi solo dormir xq ya no podia mas. dormi tanto probablemente unas 13 horas :S
considerando que me dormi a las dos de la maniana i desperte a las 3 de la tarde para ir al aeropuerto.
al levantarme llegue a la conclusion de que..
to end with this big deal i just wish to actually see the changes, the ones i need to make my decition a little bit easier. its all about DESTINY and a wish on a star.
changes
this year i was supposed to grow up, well i don't feel like i have change.
anyway i think somehow there are several things and thoughts that make me feel different as last year.
things like the way i look at my childhood sweetheart, is something stronger and a little bit more real.
as a matter of fact now im sure im in love.
i was sure this year our relationship was going to end because of his attitude and my weak heart, well it wasn't like that we actually became stronger. (:
in the other hand i feel some things still the same, like the way my parents act.
if im honest i have more friends than my brother so i guess thats why my parents take care about him more than they care about me.
and they are always trying to make him feel important.
but i will rater had my family love than the amount of friends that surround me..
life seem to be harder and tough,well it does hurt to grow up.
im 16 years old and everything annoyed me and bothers me.
im not 100% happy if im honest, and i think is my fault cuz i dont want to be it and im to busy looking to the dark side of my life instead of look at the great things (im gonna say god) gave me.
maybe some day i will woke up and i will realize how blessed i am, but is definitely not going to be soon cause i don't feel as mature person. well im just being a kid. and i pray for my own CHANGE.
when i give a look to my past i realize that many of the mistakes i made where because of my attitude, thinking i didn't hurt anyone.. and actually is not like that.
i hurt people that doesn't deserve it i lay way to much in the past, and i hate it.
i make someone suffer but at the end i suffer even more, now is too late to say im sorry.
if i could just make time go back for sure i will reject lots of bad things i did.. and said
for now and on im gonna try my best to became in to a better person and a honest girl, so i guess thats a part of maturity.
to look at the past an be able to recognize mistakes and lack of honesty is a big step in to a better soul.
even do im sure is gonna be hella hard i will not give up to a be a best girl (:
i know when i reach the maturity i need to, im gonna realize that many tears wasn't worthy..
im really sorry for all the pain i cause to some important persons in my life. it was because i used to think man im such a rebel.. quite stupid i most admit.
so to end with this big deal i just wish to actually see the changes, the ones i need in my life (:
anyway i think somehow there are several things and thoughts that make me feel different as last year.
things like the way i look at my childhood sweetheart, is something stronger and a little bit more real.
as a matter of fact now im sure im in love.
i was sure this year our relationship was going to end because of his attitude and my weak heart, well it wasn't like that we actually became stronger. (:
in the other hand i feel some things still the same, like the way my parents act.
if im honest i have more friends than my brother so i guess thats why my parents take care about him more than they care about me.
and they are always trying to make him feel important.
but i will rater had my family love than the amount of friends that surround me..
life seem to be harder and tough,well it does hurt to grow up.
im 16 years old and everything annoyed me and bothers me.
im not 100% happy if im honest, and i think is my fault cuz i dont want to be it and im to busy looking to the dark side of my life instead of look at the great things (im gonna say god) gave me.
maybe some day i will woke up and i will realize how blessed i am, but is definitely not going to be soon cause i don't feel as mature person. well im just being a kid. and i pray for my own CHANGE.
when i give a look to my past i realize that many of the mistakes i made where because of my attitude, thinking i didn't hurt anyone.. and actually is not like that.
i hurt people that doesn't deserve it i lay way to much in the past, and i hate it.
i make someone suffer but at the end i suffer even more, now is too late to say im sorry.
if i could just make time go back for sure i will reject lots of bad things i did.. and said
for now and on im gonna try my best to became in to a better person and a honest girl, so i guess thats a part of maturity.
to look at the past an be able to recognize mistakes and lack of honesty is a big step in to a better soul.
even do im sure is gonna be hella hard i will not give up to a be a best girl (:
i know when i reach the maturity i need to, im gonna realize that many tears wasn't worthy..
im really sorry for all the pain i cause to some important persons in my life. it was because i used to think man im such a rebel.. quite stupid i most admit.
so to end with this big deal i just wish to actually see the changes, the ones i need in my life (:
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