changes

this year i was supposed to grow up, well i don't feel like i have change.
anyway i think somehow there are several things and thoughts that make me feel different as last year.

things like the way i look at my childhood sweetheart, is something stronger and a little bit more real.
as a matter of fact now im sure im in love.
i was sure this year our relationship was going to end because of his attitude and my weak heart, well it wasn't like that we actually became stronger. (:

in the other hand i feel some things still the same, like the way my parents act.
if im honest i have more friends than my brother so i guess thats why my parents take care about him more than they care about me.
and they are always trying to make him feel important.
but i will rater had my family love than the amount of friends that surround me..

life seem to be harder and tough,well it does hurt to grow up.
im 16 years old and everything annoyed me and bothers me.
im not 100% happy if im honest, and i think is my fault cuz i dont want to be it and im to busy looking to the dark side of my life instead of look at the great things (im gonna say god) gave me.

maybe some day i will woke up and i will realize how blessed i am, but is definitely not going to be soon cause i don't feel as mature person. well im just being a kid. and i pray for my own CHANGE.

when i give a look to my past i realize that many of the mistakes i made where because of my attitude, thinking i didn't hurt anyone.. and actually is not like that.
i hurt people that doesn't deserve it i lay way to much in the past, and i hate it.
i make someone suffer but at the end i suffer even more, now is too late to say im sorry.

if i could just make time go back for sure i will reject lots of bad things i did.. and said
for now and on im gonna try my best to became in to a better person and a honest girl, so i guess thats a part of maturity.

to look at the past an be able to recognize mistakes and lack of honesty is a big step in to a better soul.
even do im sure is gonna be hella hard i will not give up to a be a best girl (:

i know when i reach the maturity i need to, im gonna realize that many tears wasn't worthy..
im really sorry for all the pain i cause to some important persons in my life. it was because i used to think man im such a rebel.. quite stupid i most admit.

so to end with this big deal i just wish to actually see the changes, the ones i need in my life (: