Regreso.

y cuando la oscuridad parece ser lo unico que queda...
donde se coloca entonces la poca luz que se mantiene encendida?.
habra que apagarla de a una o simplemente dejar que el frio vaya desvaneciendo esa llama poco a poco.
talvez el frio del alma es capaz de congelar cualquier calor humano, pero vale realmente la pena
perder la esperanza tan facil?

La introduccion de esta entrada fue escrita hace varios meses, cuando las cosas en mi vida perecian estar blanco & negro.
Hoy, despues de estas pocas experiencias y todos estos sentimientos encotrados (y perdidos), le puedo dar un giro totalmente diferente y ver las cosas del otro lado, la otra cara de la moneda.

Tambien se que he cambiado, no la clase de cambio que todos notan como un corte de cabello, sino el cambio interno y persona, ese que solo la persona que se conoce, notarial.
Tener una perspectiva postiva que hace que lo mas oscuro paresca alumbrado por un pequenia luz llamdo "esperanza" o sera talvez la "paciencia".

Estube completamente atrapada y no queria salir, o no. Era tan facil escapar y esconderme.
Pero era tiempo de salir y enfrentarme con mi peor enemigo.. YO.

Darme cuenta de que yo misma era la que me ponia barreras para salir adelante dolio mas que la estupida idea de hecharle culpa a terceros.
Y es encontrase en momentos dificiles lo que nos hace creecer como personas y valorar la vida, como se debe. como milagros que somos.

Pase los meses de marzo, abril & parte de mayo, tratando de sobrevivir, sin que nadie se diera cuenta.
Es tan dificil tratar de vencer una batalla interna, especialmente si te sientes tan sola. Aunque estes rodeado de tantas personas.
Y si, son esas personas las que sin su consentimiento te ayudan a salir.
A ver el sol otra vez y a salir de esa noche eterna. literalemte.

Pase 2 meses sin poder dormir, viendo el techo hasta que mis ojos se cerraban no por suenio sino porque se cansaban de luchar.
Tomando cantidades exesivas de te, que solo hacian mas danio a mis problemas esofagales y a mi ansiedad.. haciendo pedasos mi sistema nervioso.

Pero basta de hablar de lo malo, ya no soy asi.
He cambiado, he regresado. Y AMO ESTAR DE VUELTA.

incomplete

i need a break.
a break for all these bad situations.
i feel like i don't have the strenght that im needing right now.
im about to fall.
can anybody give me a light, a light so i can move through this darkness?
im standing all alone.
so how can i fight against a broken heart? against what is hurting her?
about all the pain in her soul?
but what am i? just another person in your life!?
i want to run away and never como back again.
i have just loose my self.
i want to disapear forever until i born again as a some else.
im in the edge of colapse and doesn't matter how hard i try im about to die.
i DON'T want to lose my faith on that superior someone that is suposed to be watching me.
but it seams to be so hard to believe right now.
pain only grows harder and happiness just blows away..

Your Mood Swings Are Kinda Giving Me Whiplash

oh boy!'
im sick of this miserable bitter sweet feeling that is consuming my energy and faith.
the way you switch your emotions it's hurting me more than you think.
one day you make me think that MAYBE you are in love as well, but the next it's like im invisible for you.
but im here? can you see me? can you see and realize how hard im falling for you with everyday that passes by?.
i know, im not that cute, not that smart and maybe im just and average girl with a normal life.. but i can bet nobody have ever felt this way for you.
i wish i had the stenght of letting you know how i feel so i could found out what you think.

i wonder if im wasting my time..
maybe i should let this/you go.

but then, your face again.
i don't want to close my eyes, its most likely .. you will be there.
i try to run away from you and never see your face again, im starting to feel scared... scared of you.
scared because i dont know how you are going to react.
becuase im not sure of what you feel, because i dont know if you like my company or if you want me to stay away from you.
scarede because this "deal" IS GETTING BIGGER.

i just need you to STOP acting hostil againt me!
you are really making this so hard for me!.

para el y para ella.

and so how?
how he became everything i want.. and she became everything i hate.
i know life is NOT what it seems but i guess sometimes si better when we can create our own way of look at that kinda awful situations.
it might be easier if i start with HIM.
yeah, him. well is not that i don't want his frindship but, im starting to feel something different, somehing sorta cute.
i can't tell my heart to stop beating for him or my mind to stop getting jelaous when another girl is by his side. i can't tell my eyes to stop looking at him!.
im almost a 100% sure, he doesn't feel the same but sometimes for some stupid reazon i don't care.
when his hands touch my skin, even in a inocent and friendly way, my whole body and soul feel as i felt with my first kiss.
i know i should tell him how i feel in order to now what his feelings are.
i can try to forget him and move on but in the other hand i can let him know how much im falling for him..
im scared, yeah im scared of figuring out how this "deal" is increasing and growing faster than i thought.
there most be something i can do but im not sure yet..


now about HER.
best friends? what does that even mean? i tought all the friends are suposed to be THE BEST.
she never was enough real or good for me ): unfortunately.
i always had the feeling that she was pretending to be something just to fit in my world.
somehow i found it cute and i was happy.. finally i was able to call someone my best friend.
as the days passes by i realize she was NOT what she pretends.. instead of being cool and stuff she was so patethic.. like the rest of stupid girls in my school.
i can't saw her anymore not because we are fighting or anything.. i just think is grose :)
the way she acts and the persons wich she is hanging out.

im sick of this, of how anything last for me.
friends come and go and im all alone at the end.
maybe i meant to be alone, and it suck's.

IM DONE.

<3

it was so hard to believe that someone so beautiful could be real. I was afraid that he might disappear in a sudden puff of smoke, and i would wake up.

ese sentimiento encontrado

amor, el amor.
no puedo entender lo profundo de esto que siento.. mas no logro comprender hacia quien se
inclina esta pasion que arde de una manera extensa en mi alma y corazon!.
sera quiza que me esoty enamorando del amor, de nada mas que el puro sentiemiento que tanto deseamos.
sera talvez que mis incognitas se deban a la confusion que causa el amor y el enamoriento en mi.
no lo se, solo se no puedo dejar de amarlo.. mas no se exactamente que.
tengo el corazon en gozo, baila y retosa en lo mas profundo de mis pensamientos!.
veo como el amor es todo y todos somos parte del amor.
me he enamorado de querer amar, de poder sentir lo que tanto nos pintan y nos hcen creer las historias mas apasionadas!.
me he enamorado de amar todo lo que puedo y lo que no!. de amar lo que me es posible y lo que
no debo..
.de ver como el amor nos mueve, cambia y conmueve.

que mas necesito que amor en mi interior!. paz y amor fluyen en mi.
amo querer amarte sin saber quien eres sin poder decirte que eres tu a quien amo.. amo no poder
abrazarte xq aun no se QUIEN ERES.
amo este sentimiento guardado que una vez mas ha sido encontrado.


enamorada de los enamordos, de quienes se aman con locura sin importar lo que hay de pormedio.
amando todo lo que se puede amar.!
las miradas de dos locos entusiasmados!, el primer beso de verdadero amor, la primera entrega de eso tan preciado.
cayendo de amor por los que no tienen limites y ven mas alla de lo que el ciego por amor no puede.
de sentir como el amor de quienes amo!.
de ver como nace una flor cerca de los que tiene el corazon en la mano, listo para ser entregado!.
AMAR esas sonrisas que se escapan cuando se esta cn el ser deseado!.
de ver como timidos pensamientos aparecen en los ojos!.
eas miradas perdidas que se encuentran cuando menos se lo esperaran!.

amo el poder decir cuanto amo el amor!.
que no bastan palabraas para sacar esto de mi carazon!.
que ese rostro tan perfecto, roba el brillo de la luna y la hace morir de envidia!.
de ver como esos ojos se superan la aura en la maniana y hacen que el sol quiera salir!.
como cada una de esas sonrisas pinta en el mundo un trazo de alegria, parte la vida en dos y
dos seran los que se amen!.

son esos rozes inesperados y coquetos.. los que hacen saltar al corazon!.
son esos pasos indesios hacia el ser amado!.



es amor y nada mas que AMOR!.

We got the same heart

why does it take me so much to find out what i want!.
when i tought everything was over and falling down he make me realize how much we mean for each other.
life gave us what we need but is our decision to take it or not.
he is al i need and all i ask for, but i was so blind.. thinking on some stupid decitions.
i just have to take a look in to those big brown eyes to feel better, i just need a hug of those tinny long arms, a bitter sweet smile that only those lips can give, a wet kiss on my cheek to now.. HE IS ALL I NEED.

we can't leave without each other is just impossible, we are only one.. we got the same heart.

im so used to his family, i love her sister and her mother as well.
on his family i find what im missing and the complement for my happiness : )

is being so long since we met.. so long since the first kiss
but after all this time my heart still beat the same for you..
my stomach still feel butterflies for you <3
i guess our love is outside of almost everything.
we are so different from the rest of couples and i love it! the fact that we dont call each other
bby make me feel so special : )
you are the one and the only.

i know we can make it hunny!.
I LOVE YOU