As usual, it didnt take me a lot of time to fucked everything.
I hurt them and i feel empty as hell.
Im not strong enough to go on i just wanna let myself dye. I dont deserve been here. Im the worst thing alive.
I lost the only thing that matters in my life. And i know i jus have to wait until gets in it place.
But im not pleaced with the way destiny works sometimes. Im not pacient at all.
I can not lie to myself. Im falling for him.. and i dont regret that.

Im terrible at speaking and i cant tell him how much i trully love him and how sorry i am. He stoled my heart so effin fast its unbeliveable. I can feel inside my veins I LOVE HIM.
I can see myself dying because of this love.
I know we can not be together and thats killing m, he gave me the most amazing day in my life.
I felt (and im still feeling) those annoying butterflies in my stomach.
He colored my life and treated my like a princess he was beyond a prince charming.
Im falling in love and im scared.

I want, need,wish you to move on.
I hope there was a way i could take you out of this pain.. and i now how to but it's not what i have to do.
You have to stand up by yourself this time, I got to go my own way.
It's hard and it hurts but there's nothing we can do.
I know you ask your self how the heal did i forgot everything so fast but the truth is that i have being feeling this way since a long time ago.. and you should know why. All the problems that sourround us for that time are finally taking advantage of me.

But I can't spend my life trying to make this work, if I have already lost the faith on us. Ican not live with you behind me like a ghost.. cuase you always liked to chased all the ghosts that hunted me.
And i know you rahter be sad than hating me but i will liked you better to hate me instead of being so depressed.
You came up with the idea of give each other another try, but it seems to late for say ONCE again. There is no more heart to be broken and there is no more field for another war.

I feel like im growing up so fast and you are still standing up waiting for something to wake you up.. im chanching and my priorites have change. I need you to understand that.
I can't wait for you again i have to walk fast and determined, and im not sure about you walking by my side. And i hate that idea.


You most let go, you most let ME go if you want me to be happy. Because im going to let you go.. like that red ballon we saw once and you should do the same so maybe someday in another time we will get together as two ballons holding each other in order to not LET GO.

Im sorry for being in totally differente page and im sorry for not being enough. Im sorry for not let my heart beat at the same rythim as yours. IM SORRY and i always be.

We were so closed once, we could even touch perfection but we let it scape and we did nothing to make it come back.
We gave each other so many oportunities but none of them worked out.
We did try, oh sure we did. But one of us did MORE and you know who.

Please!, try to recovered your self please give your self an oportunity of being happy.
And even tho someday (and i hope it come soon) you will realize how amazing you are and how im nothing compared to you. Then you will be happy for letting me go..
And you will find some one who can complemente your colors in the way i never could.
Someone who can change your bad atittudes and someone who can be what you need.

You have to forget about me.. "you can't miss what you forget". I now you can, there's nothing you can't do.

And of course i will always remember you as my FIRST LOVE.. you gave me the most amaizng 2 years of this 17, you change my way and i thank that. You return the inocense to me.
Im never going to forget the way you make me feel, the way you make me tremble.
Your green eyes, your pail white skin, your secret smile (the one you only shared with me), EVERYTHING about you boy!, everything used to make so DAMN HAPPY!

I wish you good luck and happiness in all the things you’ll do. And I wish for you to have the best things on Earth, because you deserve it. I cannot blame you. I can’t hate you, because I love you.You left a mark in my heart dear and it’ll be forever there reminding me of you.

I thank you for being sweet and tender and mine…
I know I meant all of those things for you too, once.So I don’t regret a single day we shared. I don’t regret a minute, not a second… I don’t regret I met you at all.

I never wished for things to end up this way. I hate the idea of becoming only one more name on your list of failed loves and broken hearts. I like to think that you’ll remember me as something else… Maybe in your dreams you’ll find me someday and you’ll remember how close we once were to perfection.

I guess now you’ll move on with your life, find a new girl to keep your heart from breaking. I wish I could have been that girl...

Necesitaba ya un poco de inspiracion.
Sentia que no habia forma de poner en palabras todos los sentimientos expermientados estas ulitmas semanas.
Han sido tan intesas y diferentes a lo que estoy acostumbrada a sentir.
Ya sean buenos, malos, alegres, tristes, utliles y demas.. valen la pena ser sacados de mi interior antes que empiezen a apoderarse de mis facultades racionales para pensar.

Es que tantas cosas han cambiado.
No se si sera la ayuda profecional o el simple hecho de estar "madurando" y tomando lo positivo de la vida.
Tantas cosas han motivado mi cambio.

Son cosas tan simples las que han cambiado como poder levantarme sin ojeras ya que por fin, estoy logrando conciliar el suenio. Cosas como poder verme al espejo y ver mis ojos sin sentir que no soy yo la que se refleja.
Sera porque toda situacion se conecta con otra?. Si, estoy bien con el.. estoy bien con migo.

Por fin estoy conforme con las personas que me rodean , logre por fin desacerme de tanto drama y dejar a un lado esas hipocresias que hacian de la vida escolar un profundo tormento.
Ahora estoy en calma y la paz interna no se ve tan lejana.
Aun hay situaciones que oscurecen mis dias pero es a las 7:25 am cuando un miguel angel baja de la rampa de pre-primaria se dibuja un enorme sol ensima de mi vida. Es es el quien me da alegria.

Y asi es como acaba la introduccion y puedo hablar de lo que tanto quiero.
Se puden tomar dos decisiones
1. Si estas leyendo esto, podes dejar de hacerlo porque lo que sigue habla de el.
2.Continua leyendo. :)

Ha sido un mes dificl, que con cada paso que el tomaba se alejaba millas de mi.. Pero esto es una lucha constante entre quien eramos y quienes podemso llegar a ser estando jutnso. Es una muestra de como el poder de olvidar y perdonar pueden cambiar las cosas y ponerlas justamente donde deberian estar. Demostar que el querer relamente es poder y poder para mi es amar y querer y desear y anelar.
Parece lo mismo que antes pero no lo es,, es mas vulnerable, impenetrable, fragil, seguro,completo, protegido. Es mas, abierto, profundo,lleno, simple, verdadero.

No logro entender como este indivuo entro a mi corazon y siemplemente decidio instalarse. Pero fue mi corazon quien lo apriciono y jamas lo dejara salir.
Nunca poder contar con las manos todas las peleas que hemos tenido ni las veces que hemos hecho que el otro pase un feo momento pero tampoco podria contar con 30 manos las veces que me ha salvado y las veces que junto a el, he perdido la nocion del tiempo.
Antes que mi corazon se quebrara logro juntar todos los pedazos y unirlos con ese "que se yo" que logra manterlos unidos, siempre.

Aveces quisiera que esta personita pudiera olvidar y dejar ir todaas las situaciones negativas que traer su pasado. Que pudiera por un momento olvidar quien fue y que solo se basara en quien es.
Quisiera poder llevarme todo esto y tirarlo en los mas profundo de el mar de los recuerdos.. pero es imposible si el los sigue atando.
Siento que algun dia estallere y tomar las cosas demasiado personales, provocando una revolucion con ese "pasado" que constantemente regresara para daniarlo todo.

Y esas cosas son las que provocan comentarios.. ajenos.
Honestamente, creo que por esto me molesta tanto que las persona quieran dar su opinion (sin que yo la pida) acerca de nosotros.
No entenderian lo que realmente es, esto va mucho mas alla de lo que todos pueden ver.
Son cosas que si no las sienten, no entienden.
Y apesar de lo mucho que me enojan, esos comentarios y opininioes nunca cambiaran directa o indirectamente lo que siento y lo que quiero.

Esta relacion, fue el principio de mi vida y no quiero jamas tener que volver a ser quien era antes.

I never wished for the past to come back as much as I wish tonight.

I still remember all those happy days, how many laughs and tears. I remember when we hold hands, when your arms fit perfectly in my body. How your fingertips used to draw magical feelings aroud my skin. I miss those times.
I like to remember how i used to be everything for you and how you still everything to me.
You meant the world and you where my world my love my only one. my only one.
I honestly believed in us I though this was going to last for ever, but now it seems too late for us to try again. Cause trying is not enough.

I hate to finally feel the end. I hate the idea of not being by your side.
I hate this afeternoons with out you, you were the light upon the darkest nights, the only fun in those boring sunday mornings and lonely thursdays.

And even tho i know you are might going to find some one else, someone who can take you to the place we never been. And even when you hold someone else hand i'll never forget how close we were to perfection.

Cause im Afraid you are going to realize im not perfect.
and then you will have to leave me and i'll be dead. DEAD.
and i hope that time doesn't come any soon, because until that day im going to fight, fight so i can be (as i said) PERFECT for you.

And this ain't a fairy tale and i most take this as real life, even tho is killing me, i have to learn to survive.
But isn't dying the same as living without you?, sure it is.

...

but well it might be for the best.

recall

And sometimes I wonder who i end like this.
How i turn to be who I am today.
How many mistakes, how many ups and dows. But I love where im standing and if i had to take the same road again well, I will.
I love every single inch of my life and Im so thankfull.
And i can not blame anyone else but my. I take evey step and I belive i took them in the best and right way.
Even tho I break my life in a million little pices, a million times I find the glue to make them fit almost perfectly again.

So i was thinking about that and I was out walking around and I was trying to forget all the shit I've gotten myself into and I laid down in the grass and I felt calm, very calm, and I decided to stay for a while.
It's been a long time since i felt this calm, I can feel the air touching my skin and yeah, playing with the gost that have being hunting me.
Oh but i feel better I am where I am suposed to.

And im done, im done with that crap of belonging.
Belonging is not something I have ever concerned myself with and is not something I give two shits about.

Life, life, life. Im starting to understand you.

End

Give what i fucking want! And give it to me now.
The fresh air is melting my braind and paralizing my whole body.
The thoughts run thru my veins and i can feel them, feel them and it scares me.
And i feel like crying, wondering why? why im feeling this shtoopid way.
So EMOtional, so wrong.
Fuck you, fuck you mind. Stop playing this games with me.
Stop playing with the demonds inside of me, don't bring them back, keep them away.
Take care of me don't keep distroying me.
Please don't take me this higher, don't take me to my hiden place. No more.

I have never used the word fuck so many times.

I guess we all have a limit.
And all this issues are fucking pushing my botons.
Im tired.

How can i be so differente, not in the "im such a cool person way"..
Im mean it, why?
I like school, i like to study, i don't drink or smoke, i like to stay healthy i don't give a damn about my fucking weight. Im trully happy with who i am.
But why do i seem to be so outcast?. I can't pretend and i guess that's making me a lonely person.
Im all alone. No friends (not real friends). And oh i have this amazing abilitty of erase all that people and forget, i can always forget.

I don't belong in this society, this time. It's not my time.

I have some troubles with my self, yeah i know im not ok.
But this is killing me, really.

I can feel all this liquids coming from my stomach directly to my throat burning evey single inch of my digestive system.
Stealing my sleep, taking the peace out of my,, just FUCKING driving me nuts!.
Killing me.. KILLING ME. With every night that passes by my body is dying.

And im so dissapointed.
Of me, of him, of THEY.
Of everything around. JUST TAKE THIS STUPID PAIN AWAY. Just take it.


And i have lost it.. lost that someone who was my support and the little shine.
That friend who always knew what to say. His gone, yeah gone. He might not be dead but for me he is. He is gone and he is not coming back for me.
I mean why will he return anyways, there is nothing i can give.