Necesitaba ya un poco de inspiracion.
Sentia que no habia forma de poner en palabras todos los sentimientos expermientados estas ulitmas semanas.
Han sido tan intesas y diferentes a lo que estoy acostumbrada a sentir.
Ya sean buenos, malos, alegres, tristes, utliles y demas.. valen la pena ser sacados de mi interior antes que empiezen a apoderarse de mis facultades racionales para pensar.

Es que tantas cosas han cambiado.
No se si sera la ayuda profecional o el simple hecho de estar "madurando" y tomando lo positivo de la vida.
Tantas cosas han motivado mi cambio.

Son cosas tan simples las que han cambiado como poder levantarme sin ojeras ya que por fin, estoy logrando conciliar el suenio. Cosas como poder verme al espejo y ver mis ojos sin sentir que no soy yo la que se refleja.
Sera porque toda situacion se conecta con otra?. Si, estoy bien con el.. estoy bien con migo.

Por fin estoy conforme con las personas que me rodean , logre por fin desacerme de tanto drama y dejar a un lado esas hipocresias que hacian de la vida escolar un profundo tormento.
Ahora estoy en calma y la paz interna no se ve tan lejana.
Aun hay situaciones que oscurecen mis dias pero es a las 7:25 am cuando un miguel angel baja de la rampa de pre-primaria se dibuja un enorme sol ensima de mi vida. Es es el quien me da alegria.

Y asi es como acaba la introduccion y puedo hablar de lo que tanto quiero.
Se puden tomar dos decisiones
1. Si estas leyendo esto, podes dejar de hacerlo porque lo que sigue habla de el.
2.Continua leyendo. :)

Ha sido un mes dificl, que con cada paso que el tomaba se alejaba millas de mi.. Pero esto es una lucha constante entre quien eramos y quienes podemso llegar a ser estando jutnso. Es una muestra de como el poder de olvidar y perdonar pueden cambiar las cosas y ponerlas justamente donde deberian estar. Demostar que el querer relamente es poder y poder para mi es amar y querer y desear y anelar.
Parece lo mismo que antes pero no lo es,, es mas vulnerable, impenetrable, fragil, seguro,completo, protegido. Es mas, abierto, profundo,lleno, simple, verdadero.

No logro entender como este indivuo entro a mi corazon y siemplemente decidio instalarse. Pero fue mi corazon quien lo apriciono y jamas lo dejara salir.
Nunca poder contar con las manos todas las peleas que hemos tenido ni las veces que hemos hecho que el otro pase un feo momento pero tampoco podria contar con 30 manos las veces que me ha salvado y las veces que junto a el, he perdido la nocion del tiempo.
Antes que mi corazon se quebrara logro juntar todos los pedazos y unirlos con ese "que se yo" que logra manterlos unidos, siempre.

Aveces quisiera que esta personita pudiera olvidar y dejar ir todaas las situaciones negativas que traer su pasado. Que pudiera por un momento olvidar quien fue y que solo se basara en quien es.
Quisiera poder llevarme todo esto y tirarlo en los mas profundo de el mar de los recuerdos.. pero es imposible si el los sigue atando.
Siento que algun dia estallere y tomar las cosas demasiado personales, provocando una revolucion con ese "pasado" que constantemente regresara para daniarlo todo.

Y esas cosas son las que provocan comentarios.. ajenos.
Honestamente, creo que por esto me molesta tanto que las persona quieran dar su opinion (sin que yo la pida) acerca de nosotros.
No entenderian lo que realmente es, esto va mucho mas alla de lo que todos pueden ver.
Son cosas que si no las sienten, no entienden.
Y apesar de lo mucho que me enojan, esos comentarios y opininioes nunca cambiaran directa o indirectamente lo que siento y lo que quiero.

Esta relacion, fue el principio de mi vida y no quiero jamas tener que volver a ser quien era antes.

I never wished for the past to come back as much as I wish tonight.

I still remember all those happy days, how many laughs and tears. I remember when we hold hands, when your arms fit perfectly in my body. How your fingertips used to draw magical feelings aroud my skin. I miss those times.
I like to remember how i used to be everything for you and how you still everything to me.
You meant the world and you where my world my love my only one. my only one.
I honestly believed in us I though this was going to last for ever, but now it seems too late for us to try again. Cause trying is not enough.

I hate to finally feel the end. I hate the idea of not being by your side.
I hate this afeternoons with out you, you were the light upon the darkest nights, the only fun in those boring sunday mornings and lonely thursdays.

And even tho i know you are might going to find some one else, someone who can take you to the place we never been. And even when you hold someone else hand i'll never forget how close we were to perfection.

Cause im Afraid you are going to realize im not perfect.
and then you will have to leave me and i'll be dead. DEAD.
and i hope that time doesn't come any soon, because until that day im going to fight, fight so i can be (as i said) PERFECT for you.

And this ain't a fairy tale and i most take this as real life, even tho is killing me, i have to learn to survive.
But isn't dying the same as living without you?, sure it is.

...

but well it might be for the best.

recall

And sometimes I wonder who i end like this.
How i turn to be who I am today.
How many mistakes, how many ups and dows. But I love where im standing and if i had to take the same road again well, I will.
I love every single inch of my life and Im so thankfull.
And i can not blame anyone else but my. I take evey step and I belive i took them in the best and right way.
Even tho I break my life in a million little pices, a million times I find the glue to make them fit almost perfectly again.

So i was thinking about that and I was out walking around and I was trying to forget all the shit I've gotten myself into and I laid down in the grass and I felt calm, very calm, and I decided to stay for a while.
It's been a long time since i felt this calm, I can feel the air touching my skin and yeah, playing with the gost that have being hunting me.
Oh but i feel better I am where I am suposed to.

And im done, im done with that crap of belonging.
Belonging is not something I have ever concerned myself with and is not something I give two shits about.

Life, life, life. Im starting to understand you.

End

Give what i fucking want! And give it to me now.
The fresh air is melting my braind and paralizing my whole body.
The thoughts run thru my veins and i can feel them, feel them and it scares me.
And i feel like crying, wondering why? why im feeling this shtoopid way.
So EMOtional, so wrong.
Fuck you, fuck you mind. Stop playing this games with me.
Stop playing with the demonds inside of me, don't bring them back, keep them away.
Take care of me don't keep distroying me.
Please don't take me this higher, don't take me to my hiden place. No more.

I have never used the word fuck so many times.

I guess we all have a limit.
And all this issues are fucking pushing my botons.
Im tired.

How can i be so differente, not in the "im such a cool person way"..
Im mean it, why?
I like school, i like to study, i don't drink or smoke, i like to stay healthy i don't give a damn about my fucking weight. Im trully happy with who i am.
But why do i seem to be so outcast?. I can't pretend and i guess that's making me a lonely person.
Im all alone. No friends (not real friends). And oh i have this amazing abilitty of erase all that people and forget, i can always forget.

I don't belong in this society, this time. It's not my time.

I have some troubles with my self, yeah i know im not ok.
But this is killing me, really.

I can feel all this liquids coming from my stomach directly to my throat burning evey single inch of my digestive system.
Stealing my sleep, taking the peace out of my,, just FUCKING driving me nuts!.
Killing me.. KILLING ME. With every night that passes by my body is dying.

And im so dissapointed.
Of me, of him, of THEY.
Of everything around. JUST TAKE THIS STUPID PAIN AWAY. Just take it.


And i have lost it.. lost that someone who was my support and the little shine.
That friend who always knew what to say. His gone, yeah gone. He might not be dead but for me he is. He is gone and he is not coming back for me.
I mean why will he return anyways, there is nothing i can give.

STAY AWAY FROM ME..

Why is it so effin hard for me to be a girl, im not sure if it is my fault or maybe it's the way i react in certain situations.. wait those both are about me.
It's so difficult to smile when everything goes dead wrong.
Yikes, those ridiculous, unnecesary turns are giving me a constantly headache.
I can't rest my eyes, my mind is blowing & i feel so out of place.

I hate this ability of turning completely invisible, i hate how i dessapeare whe i don't fucking want to.
Im somehow learning to control this "situation" but i can't. no.
But why do i seem to be forget so easly, Im turnign into my own enemy.

Yes, im the one who's keeping everyone away, i built this unbreakable shield and i don't let ANYONE to get inside the real me.
And when they finally reach the bottom of me i automatically push them away.
I practically beg them to live me alone.

What a night

It's amazing how a couple of drinks can take my true feelings out.
Im wasted right now, wasted all the way.
I can barely feel my arms and my head is speaning and i can't see clearly (maybe because im not wearing my glasses).

I need to take this clothes off it feels so unconfortable or maybe it's just me.
I been feeling terrible lately, i feel everything is out of place.
Ugh what is happening? what am i thinking!.

Yeah, im talking about my sweet relationship.. Oh im fucking ruining it.
Im just to drunk for writing, i'll end this tomorrow.

Oh what a terrible night, i couldn't sleep im awake since yesterday.
I drank so much tea that i can feel the caffeine runing truh my veins.
My eyes are red as fuck and my mom found out how much i was drinking last night.
But i guess there's always something positive in every single situation

He is my happiness, the umbrella for my rainy days and the cloud in those annoying sunny days.
He is everything for me.
And im happy, happy as i can be.

Watching the beautiful sunrise i can tell, there's no one else who inspires me as he does.. No one can calm my nervs as he can.
It's as simple as there is no one in the world i rather be with.

Yes, i am in love.. Not the 17 years old type of love, more like a mature and true love.
When the words are not enough when just looking at each other we can see our true feelings.
No, kisses are not a necessity any more, i can kiss him with my eyes. I can feel him without a touch, and i know i can because now, we are one.

He is the love in i love you, He is the smile in my face, the toughts of my days, the star in my own sky, the thing in my everything and the MIKE in my life. <3