And sometimes I wonder who i end like this.
How i turn to be who I am today.
How many mistakes, how many ups and dows. But I love where im standing and if i had to take the same road again well, I will.
I love every single inch of my life and Im so thankfull.
And i can not blame anyone else but my. I take evey step and I belive i took them in the best and right way.
Even tho I break my life in a million little pices, a million times I find the glue to make them fit almost perfectly again.
So i was thinking about that and I was out walking around and I was trying to forget all the shit I've gotten myself into and I laid down in the grass and I felt calm, very calm, and I decided to stay for a while.
It's been a long time since i felt this calm, I can feel the air touching my skin and yeah, playing with the gost that have being hunting me.
Oh but i feel better I am where I am suposed to.
And im done, im done with that crap of belonging.
Belonging is not something I have ever concerned myself with and is not something I give two shits about.
Life, life, life. Im starting to understand you.
lunes, 24 de agosto de 2009
jueves, 20 de agosto de 2009
End
Give what i fucking want! And give it to me now.
The fresh air is melting my braind and paralizing my whole body.
The thoughts run thru my veins and i can feel them, feel them and it scares me.
And i feel like crying, wondering why? why im feeling this shtoopid way.
So EMOtional, so wrong.
Fuck you, fuck you mind. Stop playing this games with me.
Stop playing with the demonds inside of me, don't bring them back, keep them away.
Take care of me don't keep distroying me.
Please don't take me this higher, don't take me to my hiden place. No more.
The fresh air is melting my braind and paralizing my whole body.
The thoughts run thru my veins and i can feel them, feel them and it scares me.
And i feel like crying, wondering why? why im feeling this shtoopid way.
So EMOtional, so wrong.
Fuck you, fuck you mind. Stop playing this games with me.
Stop playing with the demonds inside of me, don't bring them back, keep them away.
Take care of me don't keep distroying me.
Please don't take me this higher, don't take me to my hiden place. No more.
viernes, 14 de agosto de 2009
I have never used the word fuck so many times.
I guess we all have a limit.
And all this issues are fucking pushing my botons.
Im tired.
How can i be so differente, not in the "im such a cool person way"..
Im mean it, why?
I like school, i like to study, i don't drink or smoke, i like to stay healthy i don't give a damn about my fucking weight. Im trully happy with who i am.
But why do i seem to be so outcast?. I can't pretend and i guess that's making me a lonely person.
Im all alone. No friends (not real friends). And oh i have this amazing abilitty of erase all that people and forget, i can always forget.
I don't belong in this society, this time. It's not my time.
I have some troubles with my self, yeah i know im not ok.
But this is killing me, really.
I can feel all this liquids coming from my stomach directly to my throat burning evey single inch of my digestive system.
Stealing my sleep, taking the peace out of my,, just FUCKING driving me nuts!.
Killing me.. KILLING ME. With every night that passes by my body is dying.
And im so dissapointed.
Of me, of him, of THEY.
Of everything around. JUST TAKE THIS STUPID PAIN AWAY. Just take it.
And i have lost it.. lost that someone who was my support and the little shine.
That friend who always knew what to say. His gone, yeah gone. He might not be dead but for me he is. He is gone and he is not coming back for me.
I mean why will he return anyways, there is nothing i can give.
And all this issues are fucking pushing my botons.
Im tired.
How can i be so differente, not in the "im such a cool person way"..
Im mean it, why?
I like school, i like to study, i don't drink or smoke, i like to stay healthy i don't give a damn about my fucking weight. Im trully happy with who i am.
But why do i seem to be so outcast?. I can't pretend and i guess that's making me a lonely person.
Im all alone. No friends (not real friends). And oh i have this amazing abilitty of erase all that people and forget, i can always forget.
I don't belong in this society, this time. It's not my time.
I have some troubles with my self, yeah i know im not ok.
But this is killing me, really.
I can feel all this liquids coming from my stomach directly to my throat burning evey single inch of my digestive system.
Stealing my sleep, taking the peace out of my,, just FUCKING driving me nuts!.
Killing me.. KILLING ME. With every night that passes by my body is dying.
And im so dissapointed.
Of me, of him, of THEY.
Of everything around. JUST TAKE THIS STUPID PAIN AWAY. Just take it.
And i have lost it.. lost that someone who was my support and the little shine.
That friend who always knew what to say. His gone, yeah gone. He might not be dead but for me he is. He is gone and he is not coming back for me.
I mean why will he return anyways, there is nothing i can give.
miércoles, 29 de julio de 2009
STAY AWAY FROM ME..
Why is it so effin hard for me to be a girl, im not sure if it is my fault or maybe it's the way i react in certain situations.. wait those both are about me.
It's so difficult to smile when everything goes dead wrong.
Yikes, those ridiculous, unnecesary turns are giving me a constantly headache.
I can't rest my eyes, my mind is blowing & i feel so out of place.
I hate this ability of turning completely invisible, i hate how i dessapeare whe i don't fucking want to.
Im somehow learning to control this "situation" but i can't. no.
But why do i seem to be forget so easly, Im turnign into my own enemy.
Yes, im the one who's keeping everyone away, i built this unbreakable shield and i don't let ANYONE to get inside the real me.
And when they finally reach the bottom of me i automatically push them away.
I practically beg them to live me alone.
It's so difficult to smile when everything goes dead wrong.
Yikes, those ridiculous, unnecesary turns are giving me a constantly headache.
I can't rest my eyes, my mind is blowing & i feel so out of place.
I hate this ability of turning completely invisible, i hate how i dessapeare whe i don't fucking want to.
Im somehow learning to control this "situation" but i can't. no.
But why do i seem to be forget so easly, Im turnign into my own enemy.
Yes, im the one who's keeping everyone away, i built this unbreakable shield and i don't let ANYONE to get inside the real me.
And when they finally reach the bottom of me i automatically push them away.
I practically beg them to live me alone.
jueves, 23 de julio de 2009
What a night
It's amazing how a couple of drinks can take my true feelings out.
Im wasted right now, wasted all the way.
I can barely feel my arms and my head is speaning and i can't see clearly (maybe because im not wearing my glasses).
I need to take this clothes off it feels so unconfortable or maybe it's just me.
I been feeling terrible lately, i feel everything is out of place.
Ugh what is happening? what am i thinking!.
Yeah, im talking about my sweet relationship.. Oh im fucking ruining it.
Im just to drunk for writing, i'll end this tomorrow.
Oh what a terrible night, i couldn't sleep im awake since yesterday.
I drank so much tea that i can feel the caffeine runing truh my veins.
My eyes are red as fuck and my mom found out how much i was drinking last night.
But i guess there's always something positive in every single situation
He is my happiness, the umbrella for my rainy days and the cloud in those annoying sunny days.
He is everything for me.
And im happy, happy as i can be.
Watching the beautiful sunrise i can tell, there's no one else who inspires me as he does.. No one can calm my nervs as he can.
It's as simple as there is no one in the world i rather be with.
Yes, i am in love.. Not the 17 years old type of love, more like a mature and true love.
When the words are not enough when just looking at each other we can see our true feelings.
No, kisses are not a necessity any more, i can kiss him with my eyes. I can feel him without a touch, and i know i can because now, we are one.
He is the love in i love you, He is the smile in my face, the toughts of my days, the star in my own sky, the thing in my everything and the MIKE in my life. <3
Im wasted right now, wasted all the way.
I can barely feel my arms and my head is speaning and i can't see clearly (maybe because im not wearing my glasses).
I need to take this clothes off it feels so unconfortable or maybe it's just me.
I been feeling terrible lately, i feel everything is out of place.
Ugh what is happening? what am i thinking!.
Yeah, im talking about my sweet relationship.. Oh im fucking ruining it.
Im just to drunk for writing, i'll end this tomorrow.
Oh what a terrible night, i couldn't sleep im awake since yesterday.
I drank so much tea that i can feel the caffeine runing truh my veins.
My eyes are red as fuck and my mom found out how much i was drinking last night.
But i guess there's always something positive in every single situation
He is my happiness, the umbrella for my rainy days and the cloud in those annoying sunny days.
He is everything for me.
And im happy, happy as i can be.
Watching the beautiful sunrise i can tell, there's no one else who inspires me as he does.. No one can calm my nervs as he can.
It's as simple as there is no one in the world i rather be with.
Yes, i am in love.. Not the 17 years old type of love, more like a mature and true love.
When the words are not enough when just looking at each other we can see our true feelings.
No, kisses are not a necessity any more, i can kiss him with my eyes. I can feel him without a touch, and i know i can because now, we are one.
He is the love in i love you, He is the smile in my face, the toughts of my days, the star in my own sky, the thing in my everything and the MIKE in my life. <3
domingo, 19 de julio de 2009
cause im sick of me
Maybe my reaction was NOT the right one.
Im not sure how, i don't now why.
My own mood swings are giving me whiplash.
I feel dizzy and im sick of it.
Im going to teraphy, im trying so effin hard to be normal.. But it seems impossible.
When i try so hard i fall harder!
All the ideas running in my head, playing with my nervs. Oh it sucks.
I have no other option than let my self win. This constant battle inside of me is ruining everything is consuming my thoughts.
And im hurting all this amazing people, thar are just trying to help.
Maybe they are just playing with the demonds inside my head.
I simply don't know.
He is constantly holding my hand and helping me when i loose my self, and im acting hostil against him? in what type of human im turnig into.
Oh this untrue feelings.
Im not sure how, i don't now why.
My own mood swings are giving me whiplash.
I feel dizzy and im sick of it.
Im going to teraphy, im trying so effin hard to be normal.. But it seems impossible.
When i try so hard i fall harder!
All the ideas running in my head, playing with my nervs. Oh it sucks.
I have no other option than let my self win. This constant battle inside of me is ruining everything is consuming my thoughts.
And im hurting all this amazing people, thar are just trying to help.
Maybe they are just playing with the demonds inside my head.
I simply don't know.
He is constantly holding my hand and helping me when i loose my self, and im acting hostil against him? in what type of human im turnig into.
Oh this untrue feelings.
sábado, 18 de julio de 2009
Lo que hoy siento.
Es increible lo rapido que pasa el tiempo, lo poco te tardan los momentos y lo rapido en que se vuelven nada mas que recuerdos.
Quiza todas mis notas hablan de el, de lo nuestro.
Pero es talvez porque es lo que ocupa constantemente mis pensamientos.
2 anios y 6 meses no parecen suficientes, aun puedo ver mas alla y siento mas de lo que mis dedos pueden escribir y mas de lo que mi cerebro puede procesar.
Hay tantas ideas,frases y emociones dando vueltas en mi cabeza. Tanto que expresar.
Pero hay un imagen, la imagen de sus ojos. Esos verde musgo en la oscuridad, miel en la claridad.
Se que podria describir esos ojos aunque nunca en mi vida los hubiera visto, se que podria de tantas veces que los he soniado.
Son talvez sus palabras que llegan en el momento justo, cuando son necesarias mas no amables.
Es la manera en la que sus susurran terribles verdades pero verdades que me preparan para enfrentar tristes mentiras.
Es como aprendemos el uno del otro, como cada uno tiene lo que el otro carece.
Juntos somos invensibles, inparables.. uno solo.
De todas las estrellas que brillan en mi cielo, no hay ninguna que desee tanto. Ninguna que necesite tanto. Ninguna que para mi, brille tanto.
No tengo mucho que dar, no tengo mucho que ofrecer pero lo que doy es lo que soy.
Y parece ser suficiente para hacerme la duenia de tu corazon.
Con tus sonrisas apagadas esos ojos cansados.. ese corazon tan daniado.
Quiero ser la cura de todos tus males, la sonrisa en tus decepsiones. La alegria de tu vida.
Quiero llevarte lejos, vamonos lejos. A ese mundo que solo los dos conocemos.
Hagamonos duenios de lo que queremos y derribemos lo que aborrecemos.
NO quiero jamas perderte. Quiero que seas mio, mio y solo MIO.
Por el resto del tiempo que nos queda y lo que viviremos luego de que este se acabe, cuando el tiempo no sea nada y podamos estar juntos.. Juntos.
Quiza todas mis notas hablan de el, de lo nuestro.
Pero es talvez porque es lo que ocupa constantemente mis pensamientos.
2 anios y 6 meses no parecen suficientes, aun puedo ver mas alla y siento mas de lo que mis dedos pueden escribir y mas de lo que mi cerebro puede procesar.
Hay tantas ideas,frases y emociones dando vueltas en mi cabeza. Tanto que expresar.
Pero hay un imagen, la imagen de sus ojos. Esos verde musgo en la oscuridad, miel en la claridad.
Se que podria describir esos ojos aunque nunca en mi vida los hubiera visto, se que podria de tantas veces que los he soniado.
Son talvez sus palabras que llegan en el momento justo, cuando son necesarias mas no amables.
Es la manera en la que sus susurran terribles verdades pero verdades que me preparan para enfrentar tristes mentiras.
Es como aprendemos el uno del otro, como cada uno tiene lo que el otro carece.
Juntos somos invensibles, inparables.. uno solo.
De todas las estrellas que brillan en mi cielo, no hay ninguna que desee tanto. Ninguna que necesite tanto. Ninguna que para mi, brille tanto.
No tengo mucho que dar, no tengo mucho que ofrecer pero lo que doy es lo que soy.
Y parece ser suficiente para hacerme la duenia de tu corazon.
Con tus sonrisas apagadas esos ojos cansados.. ese corazon tan daniado.
Quiero ser la cura de todos tus males, la sonrisa en tus decepsiones. La alegria de tu vida.
Quiero llevarte lejos, vamonos lejos. A ese mundo que solo los dos conocemos.
Hagamonos duenios de lo que queremos y derribemos lo que aborrecemos.
NO quiero jamas perderte. Quiero que seas mio, mio y solo MIO.
Por el resto del tiempo que nos queda y lo que viviremos luego de que este se acabe, cuando el tiempo no sea nada y podamos estar juntos.. Juntos.
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