The F U R Y.

I've always felt these things. I don't think there are any words that describe them exactly, but hey are a combination of rage, anger, extreme pain. They mix together into what I call the Fury. I have know the Fury for as long as I can remember. It is the one thing that has been with me throughout my entire life. I am starting to learn how to deal with it, but until recently, the only way i knew was trhough acting rude agaist the ones i love.
The problem was that it would always come back, usually stronger, and that would require more and stronger fights to kill it, and that was the goal, to kill it.

I dont't know why, and I don't know if it matters, but whenever you are near me the Fury gets worse. I'm not saying you are the blame for it, because i don't think you are to blame. I know you did the best you could with me and I know I'm lucky to have you, and I can't think of anything in my background that would hava caused it.

Maybe the Fury is genetic, but I highly fucking doubt it, and i wont accept diseas and genetics as the cuase of it anyway. It makes it too easy to defletct the responsability for what i have done and what I have done knowing full well I was doing it.

How do I get better? I take responsability for myself and I learn to deal with myself and I learn to control the Fury, It might take a while, but if i hold on long enough and I don't accept exuces for failure or deflect what is essentially a problem I have caused, I can do it.