11:21am

I can see you on the other side of the class, separated by a million excuses that we left behind.
Wish I could talk to you, wish everything could be the same.
But is the same what we want? isn't the same what put an end between us.
You were the star upon my darkest nights, the cloud on my horrible sunny days.
But I can't let you absences kill me... I CAN NOT.

There is truth in his eyes

Saturday & Sunday..the best two days so far.
Friends, nice place, nice food, music, and LOVE yes, those days were all about L..O..V..E..
I can't, I trully can't express by words or any other kind of way. I feel this time this emotions are just mine!
About him, about the day, about how he can turn a cloudy day into a warm, soft and sunny day.
There something in the air when we are together, something magical.

He is the cure for all tha pain, he's the perfect medicine to me.
And it seems like finally my heart is complete no more stitches, there's no more aching no more struggling for happiness cause when it comes to him, happiness is an easy come.
And I wonder, what would I do without him? He's the one thing that keeps me alive.

I am tough and sometimes I tend to be agressive.. I know I am a pretty impossible lady to be with, but he knows how to handle me. He's always there when I need him and he seems not to care about my mood swings.
Im not afraid of loving, im not afraid of be loved.

Everytime I saw him I feel how my entire body starts shaking.. Just a step and i'll be there, around those arms, stong arms that hold me tight :) I feel so safe when he is around.
I love when he pull me closer and we are one, our hearts, beating at the same rythim..
No words, no sounds NOTHING, just our souls melting in those feelings. He lift me out of the ground, literally.

Im terrible at speaking and sometimes I have the words on my mind but I can't pronounce them, I want to tell him how much I trully LOVE him, he stoled my heart so fast! He's all I need and all I want.. I can feel him inside my veins, now i have you under my skin and i have you all over it too and I love you MORE AND MORE. <3

december

Saturday & Sunday..the best two days so far.
Friends, nice place, nice food, music, and LOVE yes, those days were all about L..O..V..E..
I can't, I trully can't express by words or any other kind of way. I feel this time this emotions are just mine!
About him, about the day, about how he can turn a cloudy day into a warm, soft and sunny day.
There something in the air when we are together, something magical.

He is the cure for all tha pain, he's the perfect medicine to me.
And it seems like finally my heart is complete no more stitches, there's no more aching no more struggling for happiness cause when it comes to him, happiness is an easy come.
And I wonder, what would I do without him? He's the one thing that keeps me alive.

I am tough and sometimes I tend to be agressive.. I know I am a pretty impossible lady to be with, but he knows how to handle me. He's always there when I need him and he seems not to care about my mood swings.
Im not afraid of loving, im not afraid of be loved.

Everytime I saw him I feel how my entire body starts shaking.. Just a step and i'll be there, around those arms, stong arms that hold me tight :) I feel so safe when he is around.
I love when he pull me closer and we are one, our hearts, beating at the same rythim..
No words, no sounds NOTHING, just our souls melting in those feelings. He lift me out of the ground, literally.

Im terrible at speaking and sometimes I have the words on my mind but I can't pronounce them, I want to tell him how much I trully LOVE him, he stoled my heart so fast! He's all I need and all I want.. I can feel him inside my veins, now i have you under my skin and i have you all over it too and I love you MORE AND MORE. <3

I just l.o.v.e you

Aveces las heridas no sanan si seguimos desatando las suturas..

Este ha sido un anio muy confuso, pase de estar en lo mas alto a lo mas bajo y luego de nuevo mas alto de lo que estube jamas.. Todo en cuestion de meses.
Mis sentimientos y mis puntos de vista dieron giros inigualables y estoy feliz como y donde estoy.
Las decisiones que he tomado fueron (y se que aun son) criticadas y muchas personas aun dudan del porque de mis actos y reacciones, sin embargo se que he tomado el camino correcto.

Estube rota por tanto tiempo, me sentia incompleta. No puedo decir que solo tube momentos horribles, no no. Fui feliz y tube todo lo que pedi y di todo lo que pude dar, pero es el hecho de que aveces, ciertas cosas simplemente no estan hechas para ser asi. Es entonces cuando debemos seguir adelante y dejar atras (mas no en el olvido) el pasado.
Pero, que puedo decir? El simplemente llego en el momento justo.. Se que siempre estubo ahi pero cai en sus brazos en el momento indicado.
Puede que haya cometido errores, que me haya equivocado un sinfin de veces en un corto lapso de tiempo, pero no me arrepiento y tomaria las mismas decisiones una y otra vez. Claro que si, fueron estas las que me llevaron a el.

He aprendido a levantarme, ha ser fuerte. y se que he crecido.
Que todo lo que un dia no tenia sentido, hoy, empieza a caer en el lugar justo y empieza a tener logica.. al menos para mi, por ahora.
No mentire, tenia miedo. Miedo a que todo fuera un juego, otra mentira u otra equivocacion. Que al final todo terminaria en nada y el se iria, que una vez mas estaria sola sola sola..
Pero el me demostro que nada es igual, que todo cambia y que quedarse estancada o undirse en una depresion no sirve de nada, el logro sacarme de ese agujero. Me demostro que es posible volar sin alas, incluso sin elevarse del suelo.
Cada dia que paso siento que me pierdo mas en sus ojos, quiero llevarlo lejos, que estemos lejos de todos y todo. Es esa alegria matutina, esa que dura todo el dia y se queda hasta la noche. Es poder despertar con la misma sonrisa del dia anterior.. Es una felicidad acertiva y correcta.
Es esa calma en mi vida, la paciencia que me falta, la energia que me sobra. El calor cuando hace frio.

El esta al telefono ahorita, no tiene ni idea de lo que escribo.. lo sabra cuando este en su casa pero esta es la unica manera en la que puedo decirle lo que siento. Las palabras no fluyen cuando estamos en persona, las palabras no son nada. Solo el, yo y el silencio que habla lo que no decimos.

2009

Son las 11:10 pm y no tengo suenio.. pero no es tan tarde como para estar el 100% despierta.
Estoy en esas horas de la noche donde el cerebro trabaja mas lento y no miro absolutamente nada, lo que me fuerza a utilizar los lentes y verme pura tonta.
No puedo llamar a nadie y hablar porque "ya es tarde", en la tele solo hay basura y por primera vez no tengo ganas de estar en el msn.
Un desperdicio total de noche, lo que me lleva a darme cuenta que estoy desperdiciando mi vida!
No he he hecho nada productivo (en lo que respecta a mi crecimiento intelectual y artistico), el jazz me mantuvo entretenida por un tiempo pero ahora no hay mas que hacer.
La mayoria de libros en la estanteria ya fueron leidos y los que no, pues no son de mi interes en lo mas minimo.
No logro trazar nada mas que el mismo pinche dibujo de todo el anio, la guitarra parace querer sonar solo con la misma cancion "it's cool we can still be friends" y una mezcla de "wish you were here".
Incluso la expresion corporal es nula N U L A. Nada de nada.

Y quiero terminar el 2009 satisfecha, en todos los aspectos de mi vida. Poniendo las cosas en un tipo de lista y marcando lo que ya he logrado:
Amistad, listo.
Familia, nada nada mal.
Personal (Crecimiento y madurez), mas de lo que pedi este anio de hecho.
Artistico (Ballet,jazz,guitarra,escr

itura,pintar con acuarelas), y dos de esas cosas son nuevas.. listo.
Intelectual, pudo haber sido mejor.. Considerando que aprendi al FIN quimica y descubri que me encanta.
Aspecto fisico, PELO parcialemte largo. Finalmente un tatuaje que vale la pena y no se borra en 2 dias y que tiene un significado especial.
Amor, creo que este es el mas complejo de la lista y el que aunque no lo creo resulto G E N I A L.
Y no quiero que esta racha de buena buena buena suerte se acabe. Puedo ver en retrospectiva y ouch cuantos tropezones etc y mucho que aun no he podido olvidar, ciertas cosas que incisten en quedarse un tiempo mas, pero se que, pronto se iran.
Y el mu c: si el vino a completar todo.

Solo espero empezar el 2010 con todo y con todos los que me rodean en este momento.
Esas nuevas personas que conoci y que ayudaron en ese factor "cambio" de esta etapa en mi vida, tambien hay una que otra persona que me gustaria recuperar y otras que doy gracias a Dios que salieron de mi entorno y que no tendre que socializar JAMAS. (hopefully)
Esta es la primera de las muchas notas que se que escribire relacionadas con este nuevo anio, ah es que hay tanto por decir.
Pero por ahora, hoy 14 de Diciembre solo puedo decir que esa sonrisa de la foto, la de boba ( y no me importa realmente si salgo mal) esta en mi rostro por muchas razones que, este 2009 trajeron a mi.

Aburrimiento

Un domingo, 15 minutos para las 6pm.
Otro dia mas de desperdicio de mi tiempo y faltan dias para navidad y no he encontrado los regalos mas importantes.
Siento que esta navidad sera muy diferente a las demas.. Un buen diferente debo aclarar.
En estos momentos me siento enojada e indignada, no quisiera hablar de lo que paso ni del porque estoy tan molesta, pero mi unico escape es escribir o leer y no hay ningun libro que pueda usar.
Asi que escribo y publico, sabiendo que el porcentaje de personas que leen mis notas es casi nulo. Pero esrcibo por mi y por una satisfaccion personal.

Solo quisiera poder salir unos momentos de mi casa y salir de este aire pesado y tenso. Poder estar con el, en sus brazos, sabiendo que no importa que pase al final todo va a estar bien.
Es el esa proteccion en mi vida, ultimamente siento que lo quiero mas y mas y un poco mas. Lo quiero sin miedo y sin restricciones. Un amor sincero, verdadero y mas transparente de lo que vivi jamas.
Pero se que estamos llegando a otros niveles, es decir.. El amor crece y crece sin importarle que tan rapido este pasando todo.
De todas maneras porque habria de importarme, se que el tiempo no juega un lugar tan importante (solo el tiempo que estamos separados). Fuera muy despacio o mas rapido, se que el siempre estara ahi para mi asi como yo para el, y cada dia, seguiremos creciendo y dando todo por este nuevo amor.

.. Es de alguna manera gracioso, que todas las notas tengan relacion con el.

"Il est les racines".

I will I will I will

(...)
Estamos sentados el uno enfrente del otro y millones de pensamientos, ideas, incluso imagenes cruzan mi mente. Quisiera poder hacerle saber todo lo que esta pasando en mi, pero no puedo!. Simplemente las palabras no fluyen y me cuesta expresarme.
Sonidos y mas sonidos, pero nada dice exactamente lo que quiero decir, de hecho no se que quiero decir.
He redundado tanto que perdi el sentido de lo que hablo y el punto al que quiero llegar, solo balbuceo y nada mas.
Miradas estresadas por no poder decirle que lo.. que yo. (sigue siendo dificl incluso escrito)
Y el miedo, ese insasiable, estupido e imprudente miedo que nunca parece irse. Miedo a que no comprenda lo que siento, que piense que son solo palabras y nada mas.. Miedo a que lo que estoy apunto de decir la aterrorize y hulla de mi.
Muchas personas me preguntan, miedo?, como es posible sentir miedo.. especialmente referente a esta persona que jamas te haria danio..
Pues eso da mas miedo, porque se que yo podria hacerle danio.. No porque quiera hacerlo sino porque aveces los actos son involuntarios y no quiero. No podria soportar herirlo de ninguna manera.

Pero aveces siento que voy a despertar, y que el no estara. Que todo fue un suenio, una mentira.
Por primera vez la realidad es justamente lo que quiero, y eso.. me aterra.
La nota anterior, dije que el es mi escape pero si lo veo y lo analizo.., no tengo nada de que escapar.
Es porque finalmente estoy donde deberia estar, junto a el.
Como es posible que esto no me haga sentir panico, si el se esta convirtiendo en mi realidad. Ya no es ese deseo, ese anelo. Porque esta pasando y es REAL.
Tomando en cuenta que, pase muchos anios de mi vida creando un mundo surreal, se me hace dificil esto.
Creo que todas estas emociones hacen dificil el darle a entender algo tan simple, simples palabras que todos parecen pronunciar sin miedo y sin el sentmiento que represantan, son mas que bobadas.
Yo lo yo.. aaah.

Puedo ver en sus ojos esa insertidumbre, de hecho parece que el tambien tiene miedo.
No paro de verlo y escondo mi cara en mis manos.. siento como la sangre sube y esta en su punto de ebullision. Me pregunto como puedo dudar de su carinio?.. Hay tanta verdad en sus ojos, en su rostro.
El me quiere yo yo.. yo lo.
Es entonces cuando me acerco y el me abraza, esto lo hace mas facil. Fuertes brazos alrededor de un debil cuerpo y una cansada alma. Pero el me da vida.
Sonrio y empiezo a hablar, no digo nada relevante pero el asiente con la cabeza y creo que me entiende. Veo que la mirada le cambia y se que entiende.. se que siente igual.
Pero hay algo, algo que el no siente y es el algo de un corazon que sufrio. No puedo decir las palabras, porque con el son algo mas, inclusive mas fuertes.
Otra vez estamos muy cerca y me he quedado sin poder hablar.
Se acabo nuestro tiempo para conversar y el debe irse, se va sin enteder completamente lo que quise decir..

Pero en verdad quiero decir estas palabras en persona, pero se que el lo sabe..
Eso lo hace mas dificil, porque no se si el sentira igual. Esto es mas grande de lo que jamas pense que seria y no importa.. NO ME IMPORTA el tiempo. Si es muy rapido, muy despacio o como sea.. Yo soy feliz y lo lo yo lo quiero mas de lo que esas palabras pueden significar.
Estoy enamorada de el y de su vida, de lo que es con migo y de lo que nunca sera. De lo que conosco y de lo que aun ma falta por descubrir. De el con migo y de mi con el.
Lo quiero porque el es todo, lo quiero porque se que el me quiere, lo quiero porque simple y sencillamente lo QUIERO para mi.

Aveces las heridas no sanan si seguimos desatando las suturas..

Este ha sido un anio muy confuso, pase de estar en lo mas alto a lo mas bajo y luego de nuevo mas alto de lo que estube jamas.. Todo en cuestion de meses.
Mis sentimientos y mis puntos de vista dieron giros inigualables y estoy feliz como y donde estoy.
Las decisiones que he tomado fueron (y se que aun son) criticadas y muchas personas aun dudan del porque de mis actos y reacciones, sin embargo se que he tomado el camino correcto.

Estube rota por tanto tiempo, me sentia incompleta. No puedo decir que solo tube momentos horribles, no no. Fui feliz y tube todo lo que pedi y di todo lo que pude dar, pero es el hecho de que aveces, ciertas cosas simplemente no estan hechas para ser asi. Es entonces cuando debemos seguir adelante y dejar atras (mas no en el olvido) el pasado.
Pero, que puedo decir? El simplemente llego en el momento justo.. Se que siempre estubo ahi pero cai en sus brazos en el momento indicado.
Puede que haya cometido errores, que me haya equivocado un sinfin de veces en un corto lapso de tiempo, pero no me arrepiento y tomaria las mismas decisiones una y otra vez. Claro que si, fueron estas las que me llevaron a el.

He aprendido a levantarme, ha ser fuerte. y se que he crecido.
Que todo lo que un dia no tenia sentido, hoy, empieza a caer en el lugar justo y empieza a tener logica.. al menos para mi, por ahora.
No mentire, tenia miedo. Miedo a que todo fuera un juego, otra mentira u otra equivocacion. Que al final todo terminaria en nada y el se iria, que una vez mas estaria sola sola sola..
Pero el me demostro que nada es igual, que todo cambia y que quedarse estancada o undirse en una depresion no sirve de nada, el logro sacarme de ese agujero. Me demostro que es posible volar sin alas, incluso sin elevarse del suelo.
Cada dia que paso siento que me pierdo mas en sus ojos, quiero llevarlo lejos, que estemos lejos de todos y todo. Es esa alegria matutina, esa que dura todo el dia y se queda hasta la noche. Es poder despertar con la misma sonrisa del dia anterior.. Es una felicidad acertiva y correcta.
Es esa calma en mi vida, la paciencia que me falta, la energia que me sobra. El calor cuando hace frio.

Y esas dos palabras que dijo hoy, son el motivo de mi sonrisa. El es todo T O D O.

I wish I could do something with this reckless thoughts but I can't. I really try to found a reason why I should stop with this, but it seems like my mind tricks are stronger than the words he says..
Okey, I have to list the priorities of what im dealing with:
The search of true love and how fast I found it.
The fact of being a completely asshole and stop with the irracional ideas that cross my mind.
Try to NOT compare my present with my past plus forget the mistakes i commited once.
Turn negative into posstive as fast as I can, rember someday will be TOO LATE.
TRUST a big and huge bowl of trust.. self-esteem (y) I need a bit more of that.

Oh, and I have to always,TOUJOURS!..
THERE IS TRUTH IN HIS EYES
THERE IS TRUTH IN HIS EYES
THERE IS TRUTH IN HIS EYES

mon dix

The lights are on and they shine over me
all I want is you to stay close to me
Sun rises and the moon hides
We are together as the days passes by

How can I express everything that´s on my mind right now
if the only thing I can see is your smile?
We are so far away now
But the stars keep us close tonight

You color my deepest blue skies
and light the darkest hours
Please don´t be apart… please take me back in your arms.
I can´t find no other one that make me fly so high so nice.

Milles away and you took my breath away
you stole my heart… you take me somewhere I belong
And I know im not alone…
not any more :}
I can feel you by my side
And I wanna hug you tight.

If I could only be with you right now, my heart is beating so fast.
I love the idea of you and me. Those words never sound so perfect for me until now.
YOU and ME.
There is something in those eyes, so many things I can´t figure out. And even if it take me forever to understand what´s on your mind I will never regret been with you and having you in the deepest side of my heart.
Every single night I dream with that smile and I can take it out of my mind, I know I have mention it already but, what can I do if that´s my reason for wake up and start?

For once in my life my eyes are dry and there´s no pain around. I am happy and I love where im standing.
I love how he can take me out of my shelter (if I can put it that way) he make me feel good about myself. He give hope and I trust him with all I have.
And I can´t believe where we are… Finally after all those nights wishing for him to just looked and stared at me.

&&
I´m not scared of what I feel now, and I don´t care the whole world finding out how much I love him and how hard im falling for him.

Oh my God he is such a wonderful boy in such a beautiful way.

I couldn't sleep last night.
It's almost 10:00 am and im awake since yesterday.. my bed was so uncomfortable and the sounds of the night scared me as hell.
So as usual I start thinking and wondering and dreaming.

6:00 I opened the window to see the sunrise and once again get delight by the daylight. I am fulfilled for the very first time in this year.
Not because of what i lost or what i gained.. it's more for who I became.
I have faith by now even tho things are an effin mess. Im not alone this time and im sure im not going to be alone ever again. He is the perfect company.

Next year terrify me, oh just thinking on people reaction and how they are gonna be trying to ruin everything I built and everything I fight for.
But I don't want him to leave me.. He wont.

Life is to short for those kinda worries

In his eyes

I smile.I stare. I am holding his hand and my legs are wrapped with his. My eyes are inches away. Inches. From tender small in the darkness. They cannot be dimmed even in the darkness they cannot be dimmed.I stare and I smile and I speak.
I love you.
He smiles. With his lips, his teeth, his eyes, his shaking head.He smiles and I say it again.
I love you
I say it again.
I love you.
I say it again.
I love you.
And I do, I love him. This boy who said hello to me as I was next to his childhood friend, this boy who gave me peanut and butter bread everytime had, this boy who was my friend, this boy with tender and small eyes that see through me and understand me. With nothing but open arms ready to receive me. To stand by me. To walk with me. To love me. I love him.
He smiles, he leans forward kisses my lips softly kisses me and as our lips touch barely touch he wispers.
I love you too.
Our lips barely touching I whisper.
I love you.
We stare into each other eyes and softly kiss speaking and saying more with movement of our lips and the tips of our fingers that words will allow us to say. Words can't say this. The one word love means too little for what it is. It means everything and that is still not enough.It doesn't communicate even a fraction of the feelings involved.

I don't want to leave. I could lie here. I don't want to leave.
I know by the way he holds me tighter with each moment a little tighter that he does not want to leave. We have no choise. We have to go back.
I pull away and I tell him we have to leave and he says he knows and we kiss one last time slow and deep the clock is ticking. We untangle each other form ourselves and it takes a second and a century and we stand. I hold his hand in my hand i look into his eyes and stare. I don't see what I saw when I stared the first time we spoke. In his eyes there is what I have sought and never found, wanted and never had, hoped for and never discovered. Love. I step back and I step away. Our eyes are still locked, our hands still touching. I take another step. Our fingers touch, one finger from each other of our hands. I smile again..

The F U R Y.

I've always felt these things. I don't think there are any words that describe them exactly, but hey are a combination of rage, anger, extreme pain. They mix together into what I call the Fury. I have know the Fury for as long as I can remember. It is the one thing that has been with me throughout my entire life. I am starting to learn how to deal with it, but until recently, the only way i knew was trhough acting rude agaist the ones i love.
The problem was that it would always come back, usually stronger, and that would require more and stronger fights to kill it, and that was the goal, to kill it.

I dont't know why, and I don't know if it matters, but whenever you are near me the Fury gets worse. I'm not saying you are the blame for it, because i don't think you are to blame. I know you did the best you could with me and I know I'm lucky to have you, and I can't think of anything in my background that would hava caused it.

Maybe the Fury is genetic, but I highly fucking doubt it, and i wont accept diseas and genetics as the cuase of it anyway. It makes it too easy to defletct the responsability for what i have done and what I have done knowing full well I was doing it.

How do I get better? I take responsability for myself and I learn to deal with myself and I learn to control the Fury, It might take a while, but if i hold on long enough and I don't accept exuces for failure or deflect what is essentially a problem I have caused, I can do it.

cause you are going to leave me at the end

It's hard to believe i finally found you. After serching and serching you came up to me right in the NOT so perfect time.
Even tho i thank God for giving me the chance to know you, i still believe we are togheter in the wrong time.
I have lost myself a million and one times and some of those times.. i didn't found me again.
And i can not lie to you.. im scared of losing myself.
I'm scared because this feelings are beyond what i ever imagine. Im flying so high but as higher i fly then falling will hurt more. I don't want a broken heart again.

I know i have the potencial for hurting you, i know so and i hate it.
I lose my brains regulary and im unstable. I live in a fantasy world and im always in a surreal place with my toughts. I don't know what's wrong with my but im someone hard to be with.
Im not the regular girl and that SUCKS.

I don't know how much is going to take you but im sure someday you will found out how different i am and then you wil have to decide if you want to stay in a crazy mad world with me or if you most run away. Runing aways seems easy, everyone does it. I dont worth your time nor you heart.

I can hear you already, complaining on how emo this is or how stupid i am for thinking this way.
But the truth is that i know myself better than I tought.
And my life is like rollercoaster everything goes from good to bad over over and over again.. unfortunately for some reason this rollercoaster loves to be down.

And as hard as I try i know i can't change this is the way I am..
Im standing to day infront of you and i can tell IM IN LOVE already.
Im in love with you, your shining personality, your humor, you elecuence, your face, your hands, your way, you and you!. Im lost in love, im completly and absolutely in love with you.

(...) you killed me today.
With does words.. so at the end your goingto leave me it doesn't matter in wich way you are gone, no today but you will sooner or later. GONE. Just like another shoting star in my dark sky.
No more light no more joy.. just fucking gone.

The man that lost his heart

Las sonrisas siempre fueron opacadas por rostros de indiferencias..

NO se como fue que este hombre empezo a peder la alegria en su vida, fue talvez su pasado.. su presente? la idea de su futuro?. Fuera como fuera habia perdido todo rastro de alegria.
Quien no es feliz no puede brindar calor, que corazon mas frio el que el tenia que pensamientos mas helidos.
Como pretendia amar sino habia nada mas que oscuridad dentro y fuera de el.

Debo admitir que aveces sentia miedo, miedo de que ese corazon nunca se derritiera y que mis manos no soportarian el frio de soster tal cubo de hielo.
Siempre quise encontrar la manera de cambiarlo, talvez no cmabiarlo solo hacerle ver el danio que el mismo se hacia mientras los dias pasaban.

Cada dia se llenaba mas de odio.. cada dia me alejaba mas de el. Me empujaba a salir de su vida me invitaba a dejarlo solo, solo con su caracter y amargura.
No pude mas y tube que dejar que siguiera solo su camino, un camino de indiferencia ah todo lo existente e imaginable.

Oh que desperdicio de hombre, tan inteligente, guapo con un enorme potencial...
Que te sucede hombre pequenio.. que te cambio? que te provoco tanto dolor?
Quisiera tener la cura para tu dolor.. ser quien te levante de esos lugares tan oscuros donde has caido. Poder ayudarte y ser una luz en todo lo lugubre que ahorita vives.

No puedo, no puedo guiarte sino me dejas. Sere esa estrella si tu lo deseas.
Estare siempre brillando en tu pavimento jamas dejare que te pieradas, aun si debo robar mas brillo de la luna,, sere quien alumbre tus profundas tristezas.
Desde lejos podre ayudarte pues mi brillo de cerca puede segarte.

Usaramos la distancia para comunicarnos. Seguiere aqui... Siempre.

And know I'm all yours

I woke up today with a huge smile in face even tho i was sure it wasn't going to be the best of days.
I took a deep breath and open the window.. it's a windy and cold day. Perfect for me.
Im a mess i confess to be honest there are a bunch of "issues" im carring lately.. but is ok I'm standing here today and im fine, no matter what.
I guess sometimes we need a little bit of lonelyness to find out how much we need those who rock our world :)


Im not sure how much this happiness is going to last in my life, cause it seems like happiness is not a long term for me.But im gonna take the best out of this situation.
The fact is that I found someone who can paint a blue sky for me.. no matter how gray the day is.
And it's not only a boy who is getting really into me. . it's a real friend. And I do not want to lose him. He's becoming the air I breath and every step i take. He's becoming more than i expected him to become.. and i like it.

Oh how lucky I am, for finding someone like him.
Someone who loves me for who I am and not for who I was. I made many mistakes in the past but he takes it all for me, in a nice and tender way.
And im afraid.. I might not be what he expects and that scares the shit out of me. But this make me wanna give my best and be THE BEST for him.

And yes, we like to wach the moon. It's our thing.
Why is this so important to me? Well I have spend 4 years watching the moon asking for some many dreams and waiting for them to come true.. none of them came true until now.. that im finally finding a balance in my life, and it doesn't matter how many people are gonna hate me for my decisions or how many people im losing I rather been happy than living my life for someone else.

And now finding out that there's someone else watching the moon milles away from me makes me tremble. Please continue making me feeling this way.
It doesn' matter what's to come lets continue.. We will work it out I promise.
Nothing is gonna stop me for loving you, and nothing is gonna tear me apart.. nothing but the day you don't want me by your side.
This type of thoughts are the ones who gave me hings that make my spine go cold and give me the gooseflesh...



"Like the penguins need their wings for deep cold water dives , like the earth needs the moon to keep it on course . When you touch me, I know there is purpose in my life
Just know I'm all yours "

Oh my God he is such a wonderful boy in such a beautiful way.

I couldn't sleep last night.
It's almost 10:00 am and im awake since yesterday.. my bed was so uncomfortable and the sounds of the night scared me as hell.
So as usual I start thinking and wondering and dreaming.

6:00am I opened the window to see the sunrise and once again get delight by the daylight. I am fulfilled for the very first time in this year.
Not because of what i lost of what i gained.. it's more for who I became.
I have faith by now even tho things are an effin mess. Im not alone this time and im sure im not going to be alone ever again. He is the perfect company.

Next year terrify me, oh just thinking on people reaction and how they are gonna be trying to ruin everything I built and everything I fight for.
But I don't want him to leave me..
I don't want him to realize how hard this is gonaa be. I want him to stay by my side no matter what.

I don't know how this become so strong in such a short time.. I don't care, all I want is him.
I want him to be mine.. MINE. And even tho I sound obssesed and weird, it's what I trully want.
There are no other eyes that make me feel this way.

I woke up this morning because of a stupid phone call.. and i wasn't able to fall asleep again.
For some reason i was feeling anxious and wierd, tho it wasn't a bad kind of feeling.
The truth is that i was waitng HIM to texted me or i don't know i was just simply waiting him to appear.
So, sleeping was not an option i spend 3 or 4 hours thinking about the same over and over again.
And there was no way i could erase that stupid smile of my face.
It's maybe because for the first time, im sure of what i want and how i want it to happen.
Im in love. And im in love with that SMILE God, if there was a way i could explain how i feel about that smile.. and those eyes.. those tender, sweet, and small eyes.

I've never felt it warm before, I mean, my heart. But he has somehow taken a very special place there.

He's now all sense that remains among this insanity (This scares the shit out of me).

I saw light coming through my window, daylight.
It was 9 in the morning and I was staring at my ceiling wondering, thinking.
Thinking about him, thinking it all over and over-thinking it all. Thinking and feeling better…

I can't help the thought that someday thinking this much will kill me.

what an emo

I know you hate me right now, and i now there's no fucking way that you can forgive me for what i did.
You wish for me nothing but death and i now there is in fact a lot i can do.

You are burning my letters, those that i did write from the bottom of my heart.
You were the light upon the darkest nights.
I know you hate me I KNOW YOU FUCKING HATE ME you hate me you hate you hate me you hate me.
And im never going to be happy again NEVER.. and i know that put a big smile on your face.
I honestly have the idea of killing myself and im not afraid of doing it.. that's gonna make everything easier right? sure it is.
I don't want this to sound as a sucide note, and im not sure if it is or not.

Im sorry for letting my heart to fall for someone else, im sorry for not being enough.. and i CAN'T live in what i did to you and all the hell i put you truh.
Im sorry if i say NOTHING when you call me but i can't, there is nothing left to say. I neve wish things to end up this way and i never tought about hurting you the way i did.. and i regret that fucking minute and im always going to hate this day and im never going to be able to stand up and walk couse for now and on im dead.
Im the worst shit in this shitty world im the worst whore in the entire world. im nothing nothing nothing.
Im the bitchest bitch and i deserve pain and suffering and all the damn bad things.

Hell is waiting for me and im ready to burn, burn as my letters. Im standing in front of all the bad things i have done in my life and i can say this was the worst.. not for me being sad, just for you being mad and depressed and angry and stuff.
I can understand the whole world hating me, i can understand you wishing me the worst..


It's not his fault, don't blame him.. he just gave what i was needing in that time.
It's my fault for not being strong and for letting myself go.

I HATE MY SELF I FUCKING HATE ME! im the worst human alive!, i hate god for making me born i hate him for letting me exist. And i hate you for being such an amazing person in my life and i hate this tears that i can't drop and i hate the words that i can tell and i hate i hate i hate.

If i could make time just go back!,.. if i could only make you smile.. But for so long i couldn't feel you where always so far away.
I now you hit me and i now you hurt me as well and you totally stoled my heart and it's still with you i guess that's why i can't feel it beating.
I wanna love you the way i did i want you to love me the way you did i want us to be happy and dance in the roof.
I want your eyes to look at me the same again, I want my eyes to shine for you again.
I want your self to be the same.
I want to wake up everysingle moment waiting to see you and hug you and be happy. But we lost that so long ago.


I honestly want you to kill me with your own hands.. I have never felt this way before.

but i wanna thank you.. for everything. For chanching me and for make me the happiest girl alive in 2 years. For being by my side all this time.. thank you for trying and thank you for your existance. Thanks for catch me everytime i fall thanks for letting me know waht love is at the end.
Thanks for share all your troubles with me and sorry for not fix them.
Thanks for your smile and sorry for your tears
Thanks for being you.

As usual, it didnt take me a lot of time to fucked everything.
I hurt them and i feel empty as hell.
Im not strong enough to go on i just wanna let myself dye. I dont deserve been here. Im the worst thing alive.
I lost the only thing that matters in my life. And i know i jus have to wait until gets in it place.
But im not pleaced with the way destiny works sometimes. Im not pacient at all.
I can not lie to myself. Im falling for him.. and i dont regret that.

Im terrible at speaking and i cant tell him how much i trully love him and how sorry i am. He stoled my heart so effin fast its unbeliveable. I can feel inside my veins I LOVE HIM.
I can see myself dying because of this love.
I know we can not be together and thats killing m, he gave me the most amazing day in my life.
I felt (and im still feeling) those annoying butterflies in my stomach.
He colored my life and treated my like a princess he was beyond a prince charming.
Im falling in love and im scared.